Every Thought is Not Valuable - Maybe

 

Back in the 1980’s I took a Business Law class. In the cases we studied, I would feel conflicted as I could see both sides of the case. Once I asked my law teacher, who happened to be a practicing attorney, how to overcome this conflict inside of me and move off of what I called “fence sitting.”  His response, “If you decide to go to law school and want to practice, come see me.” It seems that being able to see both sides can be a good skill to have.

When I saw today’s meme, it immediately lifted me up. Then, as I sometimes (okay, maybe often) do, I began to analyze other feelings that surfaced for me. In an attempt to not sound to contrary, I looked at the individual lines to see if I could identify what might provoke the secondary feelings.

Saying less is incredibly helpful.

Unless you are speaking words of encouragement, I agree with this line.

Every thought is not valuable.

          Yes, it is if it leads us to understanding. Who gets to determine what thoughts are valuable and which are not? Perhaps the listener or the reader? That’s fine we can listen to understand – not judge. However, we do not have to give voice to every thought – valuable or not.

Every feeling does not need to be voiced.

            Yes and no. More important is being selective about to whom we share our feelings. I struggle with ruling this out because I am an expert at masking or burying feelings. At least the feelings I consider negative. Meditation over the past 5 years has helped me to understand that feelings in and of themselves are not good or bad – they just are. I can say I feel love far easier than I can say I feel shame or anger. Demonstrating and naming our feelings helps us to move on.

            At the same time, I have heard people use their frustration or anger in a situation without making any effort to rein in mean words. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” NO! Not true. Words have incredible power.

What is often best is slowing down to spend time developing a clearer and more informed perspective.

            This is a hard YES! To be clear, I often talk situations through with my husband or a good friend to help me develop a clearer and more informed perspective. I value the opinions of people willing to straight up give me a different perspective.

Ego rushes and reacts, but peace moves intentionally and gently.

            This is also a hard YES! I have been tripped up by ego so often in the past. I started working on recognizing my ego actions years ago and still work at stepping back. The most important tool for my ego is to say to myself “Let me think about it.”  This has helped me to listen to others with a more open mind. During the COVID-19 pandemic I had daily opportunities to practice this stepping back. People around me were emotionally exhausted, looking for answers, and fearful. I was getting suggestions daily, sometimes multiple times a day, on how I could do a better job of supporting the individuals talking with me. It was exhausting to not react from a place of ego.

Now that I am retired and working on me, instead of helping others work on me, it is far less taxing. My ego had taken quite a battering for almost three solid years.

Kudos to Yung Pueblo for his work and for stimulating me to think deeper about his words of wisdom. Check him out at https://yungpueblo.com/about.