Reclaiming My Power

 

Reclaiming My Power

Over the years I managed to make an art of self-avoidance. In retirement I am figuring out how to face myself and mostly to accept myself. Learning from an early age that keeping the peace and being organized staved off chaos for myself and for others. I kept using the same tool relentlessly in my pursuit of a better life.

In my view a better life meant everyone around me would be happy and feel fulfilled. I loved the work I did over the years. Everything from creating a spreadsheet to developing a leadership program gave me inner satisfaction. Teaching poetry to fourth through sixth grade students or creating a yearbook with similar aged children was rewarding. When we lived in Egypt I could not work in a paying job, so I found a way to clean up a small library that with attention grew into a larger library for expats and the Egyptian’s working in our building. I also volunteered in Megan’s 6^th grade math class and helped behind the scenes with a 4^th of July celebration held for Americans living in the Cairo area.

I keep asking myself what I could have done differently. Negotiated for more vacation time over the years? Taken all of the sick days I was granted? For today, though, it feels like I did what I had to do and what I wanted to do during my working years. I have no regrets.

I think I am finding that I am fine as I am. I may have found myself a long time ago and decided that I’d keep on pushing myself to listen more, to be empathetic, to care, and to make others feel they matter.

These days, putting myself first is working out fine. If anything, I am basking in the joy of waking up in the morning and facing each day with whatever it brings. If it’s a lunch date, or helping Joe in the garage, or writing this blog. If it’s planning our trip or collecting items around the house to pack up. It’s all good.

I have had my power all along.