Thoughts on Criticism

One of the topics that I find fascinating is the idea that criticism helps us to grow better at what we are doing. The idea that all criticism is “justified” or “good for you”  on the basis of growth, I think is hogwash.

I think it is equally important to understand the motivation of the person giving criticism and then be able to discern if it is relevant to the case at hand.

Criticism can be used to weaponize, belittle, or gain submission from people. I saw it happen countless times in my career. As someone who likes “teaching moments,” those times when you can talk about lessons learned, I have done my share of criticism. I never thought about whether my intentions were clear until after I retired.

During the last  eight years of my career, I was more mindful of my delivery of criticism  than in the previous forty years of work. I was equally more aware that I had to take the other person’s criticism(s) and dismiss it as vitriol. People say hateful words when they are not in their right mind.

Dictionary

Definitions from Oxford Languages · Learn more

vit·ri·ol

/ˈvitrēəl/

 

noun

1. 1.

cruel and bitter criticism.

"her mother's sudden gush of fury and vitriol"

2. 2.

ARCHAIC•LITERARY

sulfuric acid.

"it was as if his words were spraying vitriol on her face"

 

I tried hard as a parent to give my children honest and helpful ‘information.’ I am sure I failed more than I was successful. Mostly, because I was not mindful about the manner I used during the “teaching moments.” Alas, I cannot change the past, I can do better now that I know better. My grandchildren can reap the benefits of the change.

Before delivering criticism, I have learned to ask myself why a certain action on someone else’s part troubles me. Then I ask myself if I have anything helpful to contribute. If not, I shut my mouth. I shut my mouth frequently. Unasked for feedback is generally not welcome. Unsolicited advice falls into this category as it the ultimate criticism… I have learned it means, “I do not trust you to figure out what to do.” I currently work mindfully at asking questions to show interest and only hand out my opinion or criticism if asked for it.

The next key for me is how criticism is delivered. As a writer, I automatically expose myself to criticism. I am surprised how little feedback I get of a negative nature. Ninety-nine percent of the feedback I have received has been positive and in support of the content. The three or four instances of constructive criticism have reminded me of a grammatical error or a misspelling. All of this feedback helps me to polish my writing a bit more.

Back when I was still working, I worked on a monthly company newsletter. Each month I sent a draft to two or three company leaders to be proofread, edited, and for general feedback. My top three editors each had a different strength. Oddly,  it was rare when they listed all of the same edit notes. Which made our finished newsletter all the stronger and a better read for everyone after publication.

I am grateful to my friends that write as they just let me be me and do not send me critiques of what I wrote. I know this is because they live the life of writing and know what can be helpful and what is not helpful. For everyone else, I do edit my own daily writing. I also use a grammar check because I think faster than I keyboard, and it is easy to not make sense at times. The grammar program is imperfect, like me, so when I get the grammar comments, I am grateful to know I have a third layer to help me “fix” the problem.

Here is  another thought I have had about editing my own writing. It has to do for now. I do this for the love of writing and not because I have reader(s) to edit my work before it hits the public. Bear with me (it is not ‘bare with me’ as there is nothing to uncover or expose. However, I do ‘bare my soul’ to you).