Saturday, May 31, 2025
Daily Life this Week
Friday, May 30, 2025
Thursday, May 29, 2025
Home, Sweet Homes - Flamingo Apartments, Sacramento, CA
In 1974, after spending a few weeks—maybe even a month—living in his parents' motorhome, Greg and I found a two-bedroom apartment in Sacramento. It was on Marconi Avenue, at a place called the Flamingo Apartments. Using Google Maps I found the complex is now called Azalea Court.
We lived in that apartment until 1979, when we eventually moved to Woodland, California.
Our first apartment was about 700 square feet. Small, but it had a swimming pool—which, for me, was a complete luxury. I’d never lived anywhere with a pool before. When I wasn’t working, in class, or studying, I was at the pool—swimming, sunbathing, or both.
The second bedroom became Greg’s sailplane workshop. He laid down wall-to-wall plastic sheeting over the green carpet so the sawdust wouldn’t ruin it. It mostly worked. One funny memory from that time: I used to leave my shoes in the hallway that led to the bedroom. One day, Greg tossed them toward the room, but his aim sent them sailing right out the open window into the weedy lot behind the building. He did go down and retrieve them, but I never left my shoes in the hallway again.
The complex had a mix of people, but a lot of them were single. Next door lived two young women who shared an apartment. One of them started dating a dental student, who thought he was a real prankster. His “jokes” were annoying at first, but once he went so far as to loosen the lug nuts on our car, we stopped talking to them entirely.
Eventually, Greg and I decided to wind down the janitorial business. I switched to night classes at American River College and started stringing together a series of part-time jobs. Greg got a drafting job in Woodland, and since we only had one car, I relied on the bus system. I probably spent close to two hours a day getting to and from work—everything within about five miles, but still a long haul on buses.
At one point, I worked mornings as a receptionist at a real estate office, then took the bus to an after-school babysitting job for a teacher’s eight-year-old son. On weekends, I picked up apartment move-out cleanings around our own complex. I also worked Saturday nights and Sunday mornings at a fine-dining place called Smuggler’s Inn, in front of Sunrise Mall.
Saturday nights, I bussed tables (I was too young to serve alcohol). Sunday mornings, the bussers were responsible for cleaning the bar.
Let me tell you—the smell of cigarette smoke, spilled liquor, and crushed butts ground into the carpet was awful. And I was still a smoker back then! Even so, the job was disgusting. If I hadn’t been smoking, I probably would’ve tossed my cookies. I didn’t complain, though, which meant I got assigned to the job permanently. The other bussers were all young guys, and they couldn’t handle it.
After about a year of juggling all that, I finally landed a full-time receptionist job at Anthony Pools in Fair Oaks. It was right across the street from the real estate office where I’d been working part-time. Suddenly, I only had to ride the bus to one location and home again. It felt like a huge step up.
Somewhere in that mix, I also took on an Avon route that covered two neighborhoods near us. One was a residential area where people welcomed me into their homes and shared their life stories—which, honestly, I loved. It fed both my curiosity and my need for people connection.
The second neighborhood was about four blocks away and made up of two large apartment complexes. One of my customers there was a retired gentleman. At the time, I thought he was ancient—but now that I’m older, I realize he was probably in his late seventies. He was always gracious… until he wasn’t.
On my twentieth birthday, I mentioned it casually, and he said he’d love to give me a birthday gift. All I had to do, he said, was remove my clothes—and he’d take care of the rest.
I grabbed my Avon bag and left. I was so shaken I called the regional manager right away. They were understanding and offered to move me to a different route, but I told them I was done. They gave me a certificate that said I could come back to Avon anytime, no fees. I never did, but I appreciated the gesture.
I’ve wandered a bit here—but really, I liked living at the Flamingo Apartments. When we first moved in, the buildings were painted salmon pink. Later on, they changed them to a light brown. We were on the second floor, so I got my daily stair workouts in. There was a grocery store about two blocks away, and I’d often walk to shop for the week. Our food budget was $20, and we ate a lot—and I mean A LOT—of hamburger dishes. Greg was happy with Hamburger Helper, and we made it work.
Another thing I loved about living there was the Carmichael public library, just about six blocks away. That place was heaven for me. I’ve always loved reading, and any spare time I had—between work, school, and everything else—I tried to spend with my nose in a book. Being able to walk to the library, check out an armful of books, and escape into someone else’s story for a while was one of the real joys of that time in my life.
I still remember one Sunday morning when my Aunt Kathryn called to say she and Uncle Owen were heading up to Sacramento—and planning to stop by for lunch. I panicked. We had already spent our grocery money, and even then I knew you couldn’t serve Hamburger Helper to guests. Especially not family.
It never occurred to me to say no.
I called my mother-in-law, Barbara, in a flurry. She said she had some frozen chickens and offered to come over and help cook a proper meal. I don’t remember what we made—I just remember the visit and that everything turned out fine. I’ve never forgotten Barbara’s kindness that day.
In June of 1977, a former coworker of Greg’s told him her company was looking for a receptionist and asked if I’d be interested. I interviewed and got the job! Since we were both now working in Woodland, it made sense to move.
We had a two-week gap between leaving the Flamingo Apartments and being able to move into our new place in Woodland. Luckily, my cousin Eleanor lived there and was going on a cruise, so we stayed at her place while she was away.
Next up: a new apartment, and a new town.
Wednesday, May 28, 2025
Home, Sweet Homes - The Motorhome, Carmichael, California
On July 12, 1974, Greg Cook and I were married at the Methodist Church in Ney, Ohio. Instead of a traditional honeymoon, we hit the road for a cross-country drive to Sacramento, California—our soon-to-be new home.
Along the way, we made a couple of meaningful detours. We stopped in Whittier and Indio, California, to visit Greg’s grandparents. We spent a few days with his Grandma Cook, then a few more with his Grandma and Grandpa Hoddinott. It was a lovely way to ease into married life, surrounded by family.
Our very first home together was actually Greg’s parents’ motorhome, parked in the side yard of their home in Carmichael, a suburb of Sacramento. I’m not exactly sure how long we lived there—at least a month—but our goal was clear: save enough for a deposit and the first and last month’s rent on an apartment, which totaled around $1,100. If memory serves, the deposit was $500 and rent was $300 a month.
During that time, we worked nights cleaning offices—taking over Gene and Barbara’s janitorial business. Greg’s dad was retired military, and this was extra income for them. For us, it was a stepping stone. We worked from about 10:00 PM until 4:00 AM, cleaning desks/counters, scrubbing floors, and emptying trash cans.
Living in the motorhome wasn’t a hardship. Parked next to the house, we had access to a washer and dryer, a larger kitchen, and the comfort of his parents’ home just steps away. I had only met Greg’s parents a few days before our Ohio wedding, so this time living “next door” gave me a chance to get to know them better. Greg’s mom, Barbara, would come out to visit almost every day for an hour or two. Even after Greg and I divorced in 1994, Barbara remained a friend beyond her role as Megan’s grandmother. Her infectious laugh is something I still miss.
Next up: Flamingo Apartments, Sacramento, CA
Tuesday, May 27, 2025
When Family Leaves Too Soon
Dewey Nagel died in a car accident yesterday.
Dewey’s mom, Betty, was my dad’s only sister. Dad loved her fiercely. That love translated into spending more time with Betty than with his other siblings—which meant our families were close, and we spent a lot of time with the Nagels growing up.
Dewey was the oldest of Betty (Karnes) and Wilbert “Red” Nagel’s five children: Dewey, Mike, Rusty, Susie, and Mary.
Two years ago, during our road trip across the country, Joe and I had the chance to visit Dewey, Mike, and Rusty at Dewey’s home in Defiance, Ohio. It was a highlight of our trip. Here’s what I wrote on June 21, 2022:
"Today we met up with the oldest three (of Betty and Red’s children), Dewey (Denny when we were kids), Mike, and Rusty in their hometown of Defiance, Ohio. We haven’t been able to connect with their two sisters on this trip.
Oh my gosh! Joe and I enjoyed our visit with them as we shared memories and caught up on our lives. Dewey and Mike are now retired. Rusty is working third shift at a food processing plant, after many years as a carpenter until the company he worked for closed when the owner retired.
All three of the guys cook—something they have in common with Joe.
One of the best parts of the visit was how much we laughed… and laughed… and laughed. I had forgotten how much our two families laughed when we were together. I am so grateful for my cousins."
And now, that laughter is heartbreakingly quiet.
Dewey, 67, died at the scene of a crash in Defiance on Memorial Day. According to the Toledo Blade:
Around 11:25 a.m., a pickup truck driven by Mark Riebesehl, 58, of Defiance, went left of center on State Rt. 15 and collided head-on with Dewey’s SUV. Dewey was wearing a seatbelt but did not survive.
Mr. Riebesehl and his passenger, Avery Calhoun, 22, both sustained serious injuries. Alcohol and drug impairment are suspected, and the crash remains under investigation.
My heart breaks for Dewey’s family, his friends, and all of us who knew and loved him. He was a kind, warm, funny man whose laughter filled a room—and whose absence leaves it too quiet now.
Monday, May 26, 2025
Home, Sweet Homes - West Main Street, Ney Ohio (Part 2)
My brother Kenny practically lived on the basketball court there. He spent so many hours practicing that by the time he reached junior high and high school, he was better than most kids his age. He even made the varsity team as a freshman—something no one else had done at the time.
I spent a lot of time at the park too. The swings were my escape. I can still hear the squeaky chains that must have driven the neighbors crazy. I’d swing for hours when I wasn’t in school or doing chores—replacing my daydreamy bike rides with the rhythm of back-and-forth motion.
In the beginning, we rented our house with the option to buy, and eventually, my parents did. That house had its quirks—and its secrets. It was haunted, but not in a frightening way. I never told anyone except my sister Jeni. We believed the spirit was a woman, though we could never quite picture her face.
For the first few years, I slept in the room with the multiple paned windows, and Jeni had the front bedroom that looked out onto the street. Later, we switched. Some nights, Jeni would come into my room and whisper, “The lady is back—I can’t sleep.” I knew exactly what she meant.
One night, after she crawled into bed next to me, I felt someone gently pull the covers up over my shoulders, kiss my forehead, and whisper “Good night.” The next morning, I thanked Jeni—only to have her look at me wide-eyed and say, “That wasn’t me. It was the lady.”
Just to be sure, I asked my mom. She had never come upstairs to tuck us in and told me it was probably Jeni. But I knew better. To this day, the mystery remains unsolved. I never did think to ask my brothers if they had any encounters with her.
With seven of us living under one roof, you’d think the house would feel crowded—but we always had room for more. Friends, cousins, aunts, and uncles—our door was always open. It was a lively, chaotic, love-filled home.
When things got a bit overwhelming, I’d escape with a book or retreat to the park and swing until the world felt calm again.
That house was the backdrop for slumber parties, birthdays, family gatherings, and plenty of sibling squabbles. The doors and light switches got more than their fair share of use. My dad had a special method for teaching us responsibility: if we left a light on or forgot to shut a door, he’d make us do it 100 times—on, off, open, close. He swore it would build muscle memory. Turns out, he was right.
If I had stayed in Ohio after getting married in 1974, I would have bought that house when my mom was ready to sell. For two decades, I dreamed about fixing it up and living there again.
But now the house is gone. This past spring, the town tore it down. Rumor has it they’ll turn the lot into parking for Ney Community Park.
The house may be gone, but the memories are alive and well. They live in the stories we tell, the laughter we shared, and the spirit—maybe literal—that made that house our home.
Sunday, May 25, 2025
Anand Girdharadas Piece - I was going to be brave
Tonight I am skipping writing as I am still sorting through the thoughts about living in Ney. We moved in when I was twelve and I left six years later at eighteen. Six years packed with lots of memories.
Instead I will leave you with a piece that resonated with me this week.
I was going to be brave, but we’re all on my health insurance. I was going to be brave, but I have a mortgage. I was going to be brave, but have you seen what college costs now? I was going to be brave, but my stock options haven’t vested yet. I was going to be brave, but our cancer research depends on federal funding. I was going to be brave, but I think I should wait until my platform is bigger. I was going to be brave, but then I got a book deal. I was going to be brave, but I believe I signed an NDA. I was going to be brave, but I have spent so long building up this life. I was going to be brave, but I don’t want all the negativity. I was going to be brave, but I’m not sure I’m the right person to speak up. I was going to be brave, but I’m really in a place of taking care of myself right now. I was going to be brave, but then I thought of alienating my friends. I was going to be brave, but what will people say? I was going to be brave, but it won’t be worth it if I never get invited back. I was going to be brave, but I don’t like being a Johnny-one-note or a Debbie Downer. I was going to be brave, but I don’t always want to be that person. I was going to be brave, but I don’t want to make everything about politics, you know? I was going to be brave, but I realized I could be more effective behind the scenes. I was going to be brave, but talk is cheap and strategy is what matters. I was going to be brave, but I thought we should have a meeting first. I was going to be brave, but then we decided to have a vote of the partners first. I was going to be brave, but our merger has not been approved yet. I was going to be brave, but we are looking to expand our audience. I was going to be brave, but after this fundraising round. I was going to be brave, but we’re a tax-exempt organization. I was going to be brave, but I fear being smeared as an extremist. I was going to be brave, but I prefer to let the work speak for itself. I was going to be brave, but I tell stories — I’m not an activist. I was going to be brave, but so many people could be hurt if I said something. I was going to be brave, but maybe it’ll all just work itself out. I was going to be brave, but the damage is still on a pretty small scale. I was going to be brave, but we’ve survived worse. I was going to be brave, but the system always self-corrects. I was going to be brave, but, ultimately, I know it won’t happen in America. I was going to be brave, but let’s see how the courts rule. How the midterms go. How… I was going to be brave, but maybe this will accelerate the collapse of the old ways and wake people up and bring in the new. I was going to be brave, but I’m not an expert. I was going to be brave, but I’m still listening and learning. I was going to be brave, but people like me shouldn’t be out front. I was going to be brave, but I’m not perfect and don’t want to be a hypocrite. I was going to be brave, but it’s complicated. I was going to be brave, but everything shouldn’t be reduced to good and evil. I was going to be brave, but I don’t want to add to all the division. I was going to be brave, but what if they come after my family? I was going to be brave, but the timing has to be right. I was going to be brave, but I was going to be brave I was going to be I was going to I was going I was I |
Saturday, May 24, 2025
Home, Sweet Homes - West Main Street, Ney Ohio (Part 1)
In the summer of 1968, we moved from Jewell, Ohio to Ney, Ohio. My family would call this house home until my mom sold it sometime in 2015 and settled in Bryan, Ohio.
We were thrilled to move into the house, which had been built in 1900—mostly because it had indoor plumbing. No more pumping water for dishes, baths, or cooking. No more outhouses. No more enamel pot in a small back room. The day we moved in, we tore through the place, laughing and shouting, flushing toilets just because we could. Not one, not two, but three toilets! It felt like luxury.
I lived there until I got married in July 1974 and left for California. There’s so much more to tell about this house—but I’ll save it for tomorrow. We had dinner guests this evening, so I’m cutting my writing short for now.
Stay tuned.
Friday, May 23, 2025
Night Off
A busy day means I am taking a break from writing this evening.
Sharing a cartoon (Click on the cartoon and it will be larger and more readable):
Thursday, May 22, 2025
Home, Sweet Homes - Independence Road, Jewell
Summer of 1965: Jewell, Ohio
During the summer of 1965, we moved from Defiance to the small town of Jewell, Ohio, about ten miles northeast. Our new home was a two-story farmhouse just outside of town. We only lived on the ground floor, though now and then I’d wander upstairs to explore the empty rooms and chat with a spider who made its home in the corner of a window.
We attended the local elementary school, which was even farther out than our house but still on the same road. We rode the school bus, usually the first ones picked up and the first dropped off. I loved that school—it had a library. I made it my goal to read every book in that library by the end of sixth grade, and I did it. I especially loved the autobiographies—Amelia Earhart, Dolley Madison, Jane Addams, and all the U.S. presidents. That little library helped spark my love of writing, which my teachers encouraged and nurtured.
Our farmhouse didn’t have running water, so we pumped it by hand and heated it on the gas stove for baths, dishes, and cleaning. We didn’t even have a sink. My brother Kenny and I would pump water into a bucket, haul it inside, heat it, and then use one bucket for washing and another for rinsing. I think I was usually the washer, and Kenny rinsed and dried.
There were no indoor toilets either. Our outhouse was out back, and in bad weather or during the night, we used an enamel pot with a lid kept in a back room for just that purpose.
We had a kerosene heater in the living room and a big wood-burning stove in the kitchen. Kenny’s job was to keep the fire going. We were only eight and nine when we moved there, but we already had real responsibilities. I don’t think many kids today could say the same.
The four of us kids shared a big room at the front of the house, two beds between us. In winter, we’d all pile into one bed to keep warm. My parents had a smaller room just off of ours. At one point, they had bunk beds in their room too—probably during the coldest months, since it was easier to heat just one space.
Years after we moved away, the house burned down. I spent hours searching online for a photo of it but came up empty. The picture above is just of the land where it once stood.
Some memories from our time in Jewell:
Kenny and I liked to sit in the car and pretend we were driving. One day, Kenny accidentally put it in gear and we rolled straight into the old barn. I think that might’ve been strike three for Kenny’s underage driving career.
In the summer, Mom would wash our hair by holding our heads under the pump outside. I remember the first time she did this with Jeni—she must have been about four. She screamed and jumped like crazy. I laughed. Jeni cried. She never had her hair washed like that again.
We loved playing baseball next to the house. After we broke the third window, Mom and Dad gave up and just covered them with heavy-duty plastic. They told us again and again to play ball somewhere else—but we didn’t.
There was an old orange and white Oldsmobile parked on cinderblocks beside the house. We also kept pet rabbits in cages behind the shed, until a fox got into the cages one night. By morning, they were all gone—except one that we found days later living under the Oldsmobile. It stayed there for years until, eventually, something else got to it too.
My best friend during those years was Connie Egler. She was four years older and absolutely loved the Beatles. She owned every Beatles album released during those years, along with a bunch of singles by other popular musicians. We would pretend we were DJs and play records for hours.
In 1966, our world changed. My dad had a fall at work that crushed his pelvis. He was hospitalized for almost a year. My mom had to start working nights at a diner, flipping burgers, while I was in charge at home. She hated leaving us, but there was no choice. At the time, Ohio workers’ comp required an in-person hearing, and since Dad was in the hospital, he couldn’t attend—so we got nothing.
Mom tried to get temporary assistance from the welfare office, but they told her she was able-bodied and could work, so she did. Occasionally, Connie babysat us, but we couldn’t afford to pay her often.
Earlier that year, my brother Todd was born. By the time Dad was in the hospital, I could take care of him mostly on my own, and that helped my mom a lot. I loved caring for him.
My bike was a blue Schwinn that Uncle Bob had rescued from the trash during his garbage route. I’d ride it for hours in circles on the road in front of our house, daydreaming about how different my life would be when I grew up and moved away. That’s when the daydreaming started—some of it turned into stories, a few into plays or journal entries. That little road became the start of my writing journey.
Looking back, life in that farmhouse was hard in ways I didn’t fully understand at the time. But it was also where I first found books, stories, and the stirrings of a voice that wanted to be heard. Even without running water or indoor plumbing, those years gave me something solid—resilience, imagination, and a deep appreciation for what stories can do. That place, for all its challenges, is where my writing life quietly began.
Wednesday, May 21, 2025
Home, Sweet Homes - Riverside Avenue, Defiance
Life on Riverside Avenue
After our time on Terrawanda Street, we moved to 607 Riverside Avenue in Defiance. We rented the house during the time I was in second and third grade—around ages seven and eight. It was a good fit for our family of five. With three bedrooms, the boys shared one, while Jeni and I shared the other.
Behind the house ran the Auglaize River, which quickly became a source of worry for my parents. Kenny and Jeff were constantly getting in trouble for sneaking down to the river. Kenny was six, and Jeff just one, so it’s no wonder Mom and Dad were afraid one of them might fall in and drown. I remember Dad getting really angry at Jeff, who was barely toddling at the time. Miraculously, the boys survived their many river adventures.
It makes sense they were drawn to the water—most of our family outings involved fishing somewhere. Three rivers—the Auglaize, Tiffin, and Maumee—converge in Defiance. But I had no interest in tagging along. I once saw a muskrat on the riverbank, and that was enough for me. I’ve hated rodents ever since.
A Neighborhood Full of Characters
Riverside Avenue was rich with neighbors and activity. Next door lived the LeMaster family, with Randy and Caroline, who were close to our ages. Across the street was an elderly woman who regularly took me to her church on Sundays. Just past her house lived a family with four or five kids. Down the block was a devout Catholic family—we knew because their kids attended the Catholic school a few blocks away. I remember being impressed that Catholic school kids could spell "Mississippi" well before us public school kids!
In the evenings, we often heard the Catholic family’s prayers through their open windows during warm weather. It was a kind of spiritual soundtrack to our evenings.
I liked going to Grace Episcopal Church with the lady across the street, though I mostly stared at the fox head on her stole. Eventually, I began attending First Baptist Church with the LeMasters. My parents didn’t go to church, though they never objected to me going with neighbors. My mom was raised Methodist, and my dad’s family was nominally Lutheran, though none of them attended services. Their openness gave me a chance to experience a variety of church families.
Vivid Memories from Our Time There
Before we officially moved in, my parents stopped by to tour the house and left the four of us kids in the car. Kenny climbed into the front seat, put the car into gear, and we rolled into a tree on the property. Thankfully, no one was hurt.
We were allowed to walk to the Catholic school playground, about five blocks away. It had a unique merry-go-round we called a “Swing N Swirl.” One day, Jeni and I were playing on it when a train passed on the overhead tracks. The sudden noise startled Jeni, and she jumped off the ride, ducking beneath it mid-spin. When it stopped, she stood up too soon and hit her head on a bolt underneath. According to Mom, I carried my four-year-old sister home, her head bleeding, repeating through sobs, “God, please let my sister live.” She ended up needing stitches, but she was okay.
Another strong memory is watching The Beatles perform for the first time on The Ed Sullivan Show on February 9, 1964. My dad, a die-hard Elvis fan, was unimpressed. He insisted they’d never be as big as Elvis. While history may argue otherwise, Dad went to his grave believing Elvis was the king—with Johnny Cash a close second, and the Beatles a distant third.
We neighborhood kids used to put on little talent shows and skits, charging a nickel or a dime for entry. Somehow, we actually had audiences!
Jeni was notorious for taking off her training pants the minute they got wet, often running around outside with her bare bottom showing. One time she even rolled down the hill next to our house completely naked. That image still comes to mind whenever I see a small hill in any yard. There’s one just like it in our current neighborhood in Saint Michael, Minnesota—and I think of her every time.
There was also the time we were loading up the car for a holiday dinner at my grandmother’s house in Bryan. Dad stayed behind for some reason. As we were backing out, he came out of the house with blood dripping from his hands. He’d been knocking on the window to get Mom’s attention, and it shattered, cutting his wrist. Off to the hospital we went—holiday plans on hold.
I’ll never forget a lesson I learned the hard way at that age. I walked to a corner store with my mom and took a piece of penny bubble gum without paying. On our way back, Mom realized what I was chewing. She made me walk back to the store alone—still within her line of sight—to return the gum and apologize. That terrifying walk across the bridge, which had gaps between wooden planks, felt like a march to hell. I feared I’d fall into the river or go to hell for stealing. That bridge still shows up in my nightmares from time to time.
A Trial Separation, and a Turning Point
During our time on Riverside Avenue, my parents went through a trial separation. I don’t remember how long it lasted, only that we stayed with my grandmother in Bryan for a few days. At one point, we visited my dad’s parents, and I witnessed something I’ll never forget—my paternal grandmother slapped my mother across the face. I didn’t like her before that, and after the slap, I hated her. In my child mind, that slap and the separation were connected, though I’ll never know for sure. What I do know is that my parents decided to stay together in the end.
Looking Back
Life on Riverside Avenue was a mix of the ordinary and the unforgettable. It was a place of scraped knees, neighborhood shows, river fears, muskrat sightings, religious explorations, and family struggles. Those years shaped my early sense of the world—its beauty, its unpredictability, and its heartbreaks.
As I reflect now, I realize how much that short span of time continues to echo in my memories. The bridge, the hill, the river—they remain etched in my mind not just as physical places, but as symbols of a childhood full of life, learning, and resilience.
Tuesday, May 20, 2025
Home, Sweet Homes - Terrawanda Drive, Defiance
Our rental was a corner lot, and the street ended right at
our corner. The school bus stop was about half a block down the cross street.
Because we lived on the south side of where Terrawanda ended, I had to walk to
school. With only one car and two other young children at home, my mom couldn’t
take me each day. Instead, my parents worked out some kind of agreement with
the older Relyea boys who lived directly across the street—they would walk me
the mile each way to and from school.
The Relyea boys were very protective of me. I remember one
afternoon on our way home, a boy from another group said he was going to lay
down on the railroad tracks we crossed. Other kids tried to talk him out of it,
but he wouldn’t budge. When the freight train came, the Relyea boys gathered
around me in a circle so I wouldn’t see what happened. I don’t know what
happened for sure. Years later, I even tried to look up train accidents in 1962
in Defiance, Ohio, but found nothing. Still, I’ve always believed the boy
didn’t survive.
Another time, I was walking home alone when one of my
mother’s sisters, Aunt Doris, pulled up beside me in her car and told me to get
in. I told her no. She said my mom had sent her, and again, I said no. So, she
just slowly drove alongside me all the way to the house. Sure enough, my mom
had asked her to pick me up. Still, the adults agreed afterward that even
though Aunt Doris wasn’t a stranger, I had done the right thing by following
Mom’s rule: no rides from people, no matter what.
Then there was the time I was walking home from first grade
with my friend Beth Feeney. I somehow convinced her that we should go ice
skating on the little cemetery pond between our houses. I went first to test
the ice and fell right through. Beth’s screams caught the attention of a gas
station attendant across the road. He came running, pulled me out, and drove me
home—giving my mom a lecture on “watching her kids,” as if any mother could
completely control a strong-willed six-year-old at all hours of the day.
I have other random memories from our time on Terrawanda
Drive.
At the end of the road, there were two houses that shared a
driveway. The Keisling family lived in the front house, and a family with three
boys around the same ages as Kenny and me lived in the back. The Keislings had
four or five kids, including two older girls who babysat us from time to time.
There were also a few boys—one my age, one Kenny’s age, and one a little older.
We all played together often, and they were generally good company.
One day we decided to play cowboys and Indians. For some
reason, someone thought it would be a great idea to “hang” the Indian—which
ended up being my brother, Buddy. Thankfully, an adult looked out the window
just in time and came running to cut him down. Mom wasn’t too thrilled with the
rope burns around his neck.
There was another day when my dad asked me to check the time
on the kitchen stove. I went to the doorway but couldn’t bring myself to walk
in—I had the overwhelming sense that someone was in there. I told my dad. He
brushed it off and told me to go check again. Same thing happened. The third
time, clearly annoyed, he said, “For God’s sake, Beth Ann, I’ll check the time
myself.” He walked into the kitchen, then backed out fast, grabbed his rifle,
and shot a rat. From that moment on, I learned to trust my instincts.
Behind the Keisling house was a hill where we used to dig
holes in our quest to reach China. I would daydream as we dug, imagining
beautiful pagodas and colorful temples—certain it had to be more exciting than
Defiance, Ohio. We dug deep, but needless to say, never made it to China.
One afternoon, a Posey cousin came to babysit us and brought
her new baby. She breastfed the baby right there at the kitchen table. I was so
grossed out, I couldn’t eat my lunch. I didn’t say anything—just told her I
wasn’t hungry. At the time, I had never seen my mom breastfeed Jeni and had no
idea that it was normal.
My brother Jeff was born while we lived in this house, but I
don’t remember much about his coming home. By then, I had probably grown used
to my mom disappearing to the hospital and reappearing with a new sibling. At
that point, I was six, Kenny (Buddy) was five, Jeni (Jennifer) was two, and my
mom, remarkably, was only twenty-three.
Looking back, our year on Terrawanda Drive was short but
packed with unforgettable moments. It was a time of early independence, strange
dangers, new siblings, and make-believe adventures that sometimes got out of
hand. It was also the start of me trusting my gut, learning to stick to rules
(at least sometimes), and realizing that even in a small Ohio town, life could
be anything but boring.
Monday, May 19, 2025
Home, Sweet Homes - Asa Street, Defiance
We moved to Asa Street in Defiance, Ohio, sometime around the summer I turned five. It was a short stay—just a couple of months, I believe—as I turned five in July and don’t recall starting kindergarten while we lived there. And yet, inspite of our short stay, that little house was a place of powerful memories.
I remember having my own bedroom for the first time. The details have mostly faded, but I recall a large dresser in the room—and one vivid memory attached to it. Our dog, Lady, a black hunting dog of some sort, had puppies while we lived on Asa Street. Somehow, those puppies ended up sleeping in one of the dresser drawers. That image—tiny pups nestled in a drawer—has never left me.
Down the street lived two elderly sisters in a house the neighborhood kids were warned to avoid. Word was they were mean, always yelling at children. But I came to learn, over time, that they weren’t mean at all—not to my brother, not to me, and not to the boys who lived next door to them. Maybe they’d just been misunderstood.
It was on Asa Street that I learned to ride a bike. Uncle Bob (Karnes) gave my dad a small bicycle with training wheels. The moment it came out of the car, I jumped on. Twenty yards later, I was face-down on the sidewalk, bleeding from my chin. The front wheel had come off, and I went flying over the handlebars. No helmet. I don’t even think I’d ever heard of a helmet back then. That crash was my first lesson in mechanical failure—and the beginning of my lifelong appreciation for safety checks.
Another memory stands out with stark clarity: my mom having a severe nosebleed. I remember the sound of blood gushing and my dad insisting she go to the hospital. One of my Posey cousins came to stay with us while Dad rushed her to the ER. I never knew what caused it—only that I was terrified she might be dying. I prayed hard that night for her to be okay.
In hindsight, I’ve wondered if the "bloody nose" story was something softened for a child’s ears. My mom was only 21 then, with three small kids. She’d had two miscarriages—one before my sister Jeni was born and one after. Jeni would’ve been just a year old at the time. Could what I heard that night have been something more serious, more heartbreaking, hidden behind a child-safe explanation? I’ll never know for sure. But it marked my first confrontation with fear and fragility—of realizing that grownups, especially moms, could bleed, too.
And then there’s the time I ran away from home.
I don’t remember what I was upset about, but I told my mom I was leaving. Instead of stopping me, she told me I needed to take it seriously. She helped me pack. She said if I was going to run away, I needed the right supplies. She helped me make a peanut butter sandwich, told me to get a handkerchief from my dad’s drawer, and find a stick outside. I also had to bring a change of clothes—because, of course, she said, you still need to stay clean even if you’re on the run.
We wrapped everything up in the handkerchief, tied it to the stick, and off I went.
I didn’t get far. I made it to the shed in the backyard, where I stood for what felt like hours, sniffling and feeling sorry for myself. I don’t know how long I was really gone—probably not long at all. Five-year-olds don’t have much sense of time. I was mostly just upset that my mom let me run away. But eventually, I came back inside.
My mom looked up from what she was doing with Jeni and said, “Welcome home.” She seemed glad to see me. And just like that, it was over. I never tried to run away again.
Now, writing this more than sixty years later, I find myself tearing up thinking about all of it. My mom was only twenty-one, with three babies to raise. And still, she found the grace and humor to guide a five-year-old through a runaway adventure, to comfort me through fear, to raise us with warmth—even when she must have been overwhelmed.
It’s incredible to me now, thinking about all she carried and how little of it she ever let us feel.
More tomorrow.
Sunday, May 18, 2025
Home, Sweet Homes - Oakwood, Ohio
Today I found myself thinking about how much I love our home. That thought led me to realize—I’ve loved every home I can remember. From the old farmhouse in Oakwood, Ohio, when I was three years old, to the place Joe and I live in now.
That’s sixty-six years of memories! And remarkably, each house stands out in my mind with distinct images, feelings, and stories. I thought I’d spend the next week or two writing about those homes—one at a time—capturing the memories that have stayed with me through the years.
Let’s start with the beginning.
The Farmhouse in Oakwood, Ohio
We lived in that farmhouse until I was about five. It was home to Mom, Dad, my brother Kenny (called Buddy back then), and me—until Jeni arrived when I was four and Buddy was three. The house sat on the corner of a large country lot, two stories tall, though we only lived on the bottom floor. I can still see the floor plan in my mind—although, admittedly, memory is a tricky thing. To a three- to five-year-old, the rooms seemed enormous.
This was supposedly the house where I gave Buddy some "candy" that resulted in a trip to the hospital and a stomach pump. My parents had stored medication on the top shelf of a kitchen cupboard. At just three years old, I apparently climbed up on the counter, then up the shelves. Mind you—I didn’t eat the candy myself.
This is also the house where I remember tossing bread from my bologna sandwiches into a closet. That closet wasn’t used much—except by a sneaky four-year-old Beth Ann. My poor mother was less than pleased when she discovered a stash of moldy bread.
Snippets and Snapshots from Oakwood:
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My dad once shot a possum out of a tree on the property.
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I tasted squirrel for the first time—at least, the first time I remember.
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I had my first crush: a twelve-year-old boy named Kenny Bowman. His mom would pick me up for church. I was four. I thought he was dreamy.
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I remember my mom braiding my hair with rags at night, and waking up to long, bouncy curls.
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My brother would often get up in the middle of the night to crawl into our parents’ bed. One night, he tripped and hit the metal bed frame, splitting the bridge of his nose. Off to the ER he went, while I was dropped off at my dad’s parents’ house.
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When Buddy came home, he had stitches. I came home with a haircut. My grandmother, without permission, had placed a bowl on my head and chopped off all my hair. I don’t recall ever being left alone with my dad’s parents again.
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My mother’s precious photo collection was ruined when someone cut Buddy out of all the pictures with scissors. According to her, that “someone” was me. I still find that hard to believe—especially since I’ve never been able to cut in a straight line. Clearly, my scissor skills peaked at age three.
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One snowy night, coming home from a visit to those same grandparents in Defiance, a drunk driver hit our car. After the impact, we slid into a field. I remember Mom holding Jeni in her arms (this was before car seats), and my dad turning to the backseat to ask Buddy and me if we were okay. We were. My dad, however, ended up in the hospital for a few days. Turns out the crash caused internal injuries from the steering wheel.
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Buddy did his first “driving” at that age, too. We were at a small market on a hill when Mom ran inside. Buddy climbed into the front seat and shifted the car into neutral. It started rolling down the hill. A man saw it happening and ran to stop it. Crisis averted—but only barely.
That old farmhouse may have only been our home for a short while, but the memories from those early years are vivid. Some are sweet, some dramatic, some still make me laugh. It was the beginning of a long love affair with the homes that would come next—and with the stories they still hold.
More tomorrow.
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