Learning to Do Better

I haven’t always been “woke” in certain areas. Until around 2015, I really hadn’t given much thought to the LGBTQIA+ community. On the edges of my awareness, I knew my daughter had friends who identified as part of the community, but I didn’t understand how deeply this affected their lives.

For example, I didn’t know that one of her friends who transitioned from female to male in college had been disowned by his mother. I also didn’t know that transgender people are among the most targeted for violence.

In 2015, my work in Human Resources forced me to confront both my own beliefs and the attitudes of others. I worked for a small, family-owned business that was in growth mode, and I started to learn about microaggressions—especially toward people of color and anyone who didn’t fit someone else’s idea of “the right way to be human.”

Microaggressions can show up as stereotyping, invalidation, assumptions of inferiority, “exoticizing” people, or subtle insults. In the cases I dealt with, they were usually unintentional—rooted in unconscious biases.

Pronouns were another big eye-opener for me. I hadn’t thought much about how important they were to people and how they identified. Using “they/their” for one person was especially difficult for many older folks (myself included—I was in my early 60s at the time). Fortunately, I was gently corrected enough times that I finally got the hang of it.

It wasn’t unusual for older employees to ask why they had to use someone’s preferred pronouns. In most cases, I encouraged them to simply use the person’s name if they were uncomfortable or unsure. We also talked about what to do if they slipped up—how to correct it and move forward. Before long, we were all correcting each other, and within a couple of months, mistakes became rare. Proof, to me, that people of all ages can adjust when the goal is to show respect for others.

When microaggressions did occur, we focused on education. We’d watch short videos or read articles to help people see how small comments or behaviors—even when unintentional—can cause harm. Here’s one tip: if your sentence starts with “your people” and ends with “are all alike,” it’s best not to say it at all.

If you Google “microaggressions,” you’ll find plenty of resources about how to communicate more respectfully with others. Because when we know better, we can do better.

Now if only we could get Forty-Seven and his cabinet educated.