My mother used to say, “When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will do something about it.” She said this to herself as much as she said it to others, including me.
Took me a long time to
figure out that when we are looking for a change it will only happen when we
are ready to make the change in ourselves. And in my brain mom’s words played havoc with my father’s favorite saying, “Don’t be a quitter.”
So, like most choices in life there is a fine balance between knowing when
to quit and move on or to stick with whatever you’ve been doing. Add to that
the judgment of others and it’s a wonder more people aren’t paralyzed with fear.
The one lesson I learned
about myself, many years ago, is that I exhibit a tendency to wait too long to
quit activities that do me more harm than good. My mother told me numerous
times I was born stubborn (though I like the word tenacious – it sounds strong,
robust, and positive).
I wanted my first marriage
to last forever as I had vowed to marry for life. I stayed in the marriage because
I thought if I just worked at being a better wife than he would love me. Instead,
he got angrier and angrier until I chose to remove my daughter and myself from
an environment that did not serve either of us. This choice made room in my
life to marry Joe Coehlo. Excellent choice! Years later a therapist told me
that working harder to please someone who doesn’t love you is
counterproductive. Her words of wisdom were, “You need more tools in your
arsenal. Working harder has been a valuable tool and it works for many challenges
in life. Let’s help you develop more tools for different situations.” The good
news is that by my making the decision to end marriage number one, my then
husband was able to meet someone he could love. Everyone won. At the time, leaving
the marriage, with a two-year old child, was scary.
Over the years, I held onto
jobs far too long. And each and every time I made the decision to move on – it ended
up being the best thing for me (and for my family).
Peeling back and examining
long-held beliefs has also afforded me opportunities for growth and much of the
time the experience was ‘uncomfortable.’
When I made the decision to
retire, I heard both dad’s and mom’s voices in my head. This time mom won. I
was worn out from doing too much (we have already established this was my work
style and not on anyone else). Twelve days of retirement and I know this was
the best decision for me.
Now I am going to have more
time to create the life I want.
👌
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