Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Let Go of People or Situations that Drain You

 Yesterday, I posted a meme entitled Carry This with You Into 2023. The title topic for today’s blog is the second item on the list (and the title of today’s blog).

Last year when I made the decision to retire at the end of 2022, I realized I was the person draining me. The only way I knew how to constructively let go of this was to change me. That’s a tough task! Having at that point dealt with COVID-19 work related tasks, I was burnt out. Two weeks of vacation was not an answer.

Having worked since I was 14 years old, I knew how to work hard. I liked to think I could work smart; however, coping with all of the COVID-19 tasks simply made it glaringly obvious to me that I had been working for years in constant learning and growth mode, talking on any task that came my way. And I was exhausted. My energy levels were so low that I would come home from work and nap.

Reading about the changes happening in workplaces exhausted me. When someone would talk about work life balance, I’d get angry instead of stepping back and trying to understand their viewpoint. Oh, I didn’t show my anger – I kept that inside. So, I was feeling bombarded on the outside by suggestions for how I could improve the workplace experience from co-workers and on the inside telling myself I was a failure because resources are limited in the real work environment and there was no way I could make it all happen.

I tried to delegate as much as I could to others around me and that’s difficult when always short-staffed because someone had COVID symptoms, or a child couldn’t attend school because they had COVID symptoms. Holidays were a nightmare as there would be multiple cases to be tracked and reported on. This was on top of the regular workload. And I’ve always been willing to carry a heavy workload.

And the only person responsible for my angst was me. And I was not alone. Back in October I was talking to another Human Resources (HR) professional, and she suggested I start a support group for exhausted HR people. Not a bad idea except I have my own serious healing to do before I begin moderating a support group.

Step one of my healing has been to let go of situations that drain me. In mid-2021 I let the owners of the company know I would retire on December 31, 2022. This was a difficult decision as I loved the people I worked with throughout the company. Bright, energetic people willing to do the heavy lifting of improving their own managerial and leadership skills to provide the absolute best workplace experience for people they are responsible for supervising and training. And at the same time my love for them was not enough. Every workday morning for 18 months, I sent up a silent plea to the universe that I would make it through another day without just walking away. It is much easier for me to let go of a situation that drains me than the part about letting go of people who drain you.

I am flipping step 2, instead  I am  making sure to spend more time with people who either make me laugh or have such good energy that I leave them wanting more time with them. I don’t think I will ever stop loving the people who drain me. For now, I am focusing on keeping myself full through meditation, hanging with positive energy people, and writing.

I want to be clear that the draining of Beth is on Beth. It’s more about my need to want them to feel better than anything they have ever said or done. I keep hoping if I can work on the part of me that wants others to be happy, I'll figure out a solution so that I don’t feel drained and so I am not avoiding people who may need a friend to be available to listen.

Good thing I retired from working for someone else. I’m going to need the time to work on me. I’ll need to remind myself of this before going around giving unsolicited advice to other people. Wish me luck.

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