Yesterday, I posted a meme entitled Carry This with You Into 2023. The title topic for today’s blog is the second item on the list (and the title of today’s blog).
Last year when I made the
decision to retire at the end of 2022, I realized I was the person draining me.
The only way I knew how to constructively let go of this was to change me. That’s
a tough task! Having at that point dealt with COVID-19 work related tasks, I
was burnt out. Two weeks of vacation was not an answer.
Having worked since I was 14
years old, I knew how to work hard. I liked to think I could work smart;
however, coping with all of the COVID-19 tasks simply made it glaringly obvious
to me that I had been working for years in constant learning and growth mode, talking
on any task that came my way. And I was exhausted. My energy levels were so low
that I would come home from work and nap.
Reading about the changes
happening in workplaces exhausted me. When someone would talk about work life
balance, I’d get angry instead of stepping back and trying to understand their
viewpoint. Oh, I didn’t show my anger – I kept that inside. So, I was feeling
bombarded on the outside by suggestions for how I could improve the workplace
experience from co-workers and on the inside telling myself I was a failure because
resources are limited in the real work environment and there was no way I could
make it all happen.
I tried to delegate as much
as I could to others around me and that’s difficult when always short-staffed because
someone had COVID symptoms, or a child couldn’t attend school because they had
COVID symptoms. Holidays were a nightmare as there would be multiple cases to
be tracked and reported on. This was on top of the regular workload. And I’ve
always been willing to carry a heavy workload.
And the only person
responsible for my angst was me. And I was not alone. Back in October I was
talking to another Human Resources (HR) professional, and she suggested I start
a support group for exhausted HR people. Not a bad idea except I have my own
serious healing to do before I begin moderating a support group.
Step one of my healing has
been to let go of situations that drain me. In mid-2021 I let the owners of the
company know I would retire on December 31, 2022. This was a difficult decision
as I loved the people I worked with throughout the company. Bright, energetic people
willing to do the heavy lifting of improving their own managerial and
leadership skills to provide the absolute best workplace experience for people they
are responsible for supervising and training. And at the same time my love for
them was not enough. Every workday morning for 18 months, I sent up a silent
plea to the universe that I would make it through another day without just
walking away. It is much easier for me to let go of a situation that drains me than
the part about letting go of people who drain you.
I am flipping step 2, instead
I am making sure to spend more time with people who
either make me laugh or have such good energy that I leave them wanting more time
with them. I don’t think I will ever stop loving the people who drain me. For
now, I am focusing on keeping myself full through meditation, hanging with
positive energy people, and writing.
I want to be clear that the
draining of Beth is on Beth. It’s more about my need to want them to feel
better than anything they have ever said or done. I keep hoping if I can work
on the part of me that wants others to be happy, I'll figure out a solution so
that I don’t feel drained and so I am not avoiding people who may need a friend
to be available to listen.
Good thing I retired from working
for someone else. I’m going to need the time to work on me. I’ll need to remind
myself of this before going around giving unsolicited advice to other people.
Wish me luck.
❤
ReplyDelete