Re-Connection

As much as I stay in touch with friends, I am really lousy at keeping connections open with my husband’s family. This is because they have never been a close family and there have been incidents over the years where we have become even more disconnected. Today, I decided I needed to reach out to two of the family members we have lost touch with since 2016 when Joe’s dad died.

Joe’s youngest sibling was nine years old when Joe left home. They had very different upbringings. Joe was the oldest and his sister the youngest. He had written to his sister via email, last month, to let her know we are moving to Minnesota. She did not reply. I called her today and asked if she had seen Joe’s email about our move. She said emails get lost in her shared email account with her spouse. She was polite. She wished us well. Told us everything was going great for her two adult children. They are healthy and happy and that’s all she really wants for them.

The second contact was more complex for me; Joe’s stepmother. We have not talked to her since about a year or two after Joe’s dad died in 2016. We tried staying connected even though we hate driving to the bay area of California. Then COVID hit and we did not connect at all. Most of the time we upset his stepmom when we did see her as it brought up some really challenging times for her emotionally with the loss of Joe’s dad. And frankly, I am a coward when it comes to family conflict.

Joe’s stepmom’s daughter and son-in-law are amazing people so I emailed the son-in-law and he being the delightful man he is wrote a gracious and kind response wishing us well on our journey and move. I sent him our contact information. I was sorry to hear Joe’s stepmom at 97 years young is declining. She is surrounded though by loving people, including Joe’s sister who has stayed in touch with her.

This was a little bit of adulting I had dreaded. It’s awkward knowing I have lost touch when I could have picked up the phone any time and called them. I could have just left everything as it was – continued to ignore them. I couldn’t though. I felt the need to suck it up and reach out. I am relieved to have done it and my conscious feels better. One of my favorite people is Brene Brown. The Brown quote for today on vulnerability reminds me that I am not alone in feeling vulnerable during connection.