Adjusting to Multigenerational Living

My grandbabies beat me at Uno today. I warned them upfront I can be mean when I play cards. They asked what that meant. I told them I get very competitive and want to win and I told them the story of accusing my dad of card cheating when he was days away from dying. Charlotte said, “And you accused your dad when he was dying?” I said, “Yes, I really regret accusing him of cheating.” Then she thoroughly whooped me at Uno. She gave me two draw 2 cards in a row and then hit me with a draw 4 card turn. Caleb came in second. Revenge of their Great Grandpa!

After losing, I closed and squinted my eyes. When I opened my eyes, I told them, “I was trying to turn you both into pumpkins and it obviously didn’t work.” They giggled and walked away. For some reason they did not want to play a second game. 

I have got to work on the sore loser thing seeing as how I should be a positive role model.

During our road trip, everyday was different from our life in Woodland. I knew at the end of the trip we would be moving to Minnesota. I felt I was prepared.

Whoa! I was wrong. I am totally unprepared. Not that it’s a bad thing.

I have been struggling with feelings of anxiety about whether three generations (there is a word for this multigenerational) could live in the same house. Even with our own living space and beautiful shared spaces. Megan does not want us to isolate ourselves in the basement even though we are creating a lovely space in the finished basement for ourselves and for the grandkids to visit.

I want everyone to be their authentic selves. Though I know I have no say in the matter. 

My advice to anyone else would be to not focus on other people, to only work on myself. I know enough to take my own advice!  I cannot expect to be perfect. Or that all of us living together will be easy. I think the hardest part for me is to not forecast or worry about something that may or may not have happened. I want to live in the moment, accept everyone at face value, and trust that if there is a problem the other people living in this house will tell me. I don’t want to be worrying if I did something offensive – I need someone to tell me!

For now, I need to stop worrying about something that is not a problem, yet.

I was texting with my brother, Kenny, last night and he reminded me that Grandma Hudkins (my mom’s mom) lived with adult daughters (my Aunt Betty's family, and my mom's family) at different times during her senior years. When I thought about that it wasn’t much comfort as my dad and Grandma often did things to purposely annoy each other. Joe and I want to be a support system for Megan and her family – not purposely creating drama.

Since Grandma Hudkins is long gone, I did the next best thing - I Googled multigenerational homes and found this article that I think is outstanding:  https://www.betterup.com/blog/multigenerational-home.

It is early days in our arrangement, and these are the things I like about living here so far:

·        Getting to see Megan and Jeremy regularly. I like them – they are good people. Even if Megan wasn’t my kid – I’d still like being in her space.

·        Jeremy is a terrific dad to Caleb and Charlotte.

·        Megan loves providing the kids with lots of opportunities to learn and play while they are with this family.

·        Megan and Jeremy are good at setting boundaries with the kids and helping the children learn to set boundaries.

·        Grandkids!

·        Grandkid hugs!

·        Dinner meal planning is collaborative.

·        Morning coffee view.

·        Front porch and back porch to sit on and commune with nature.

·        Our living space is comfortable and turning more “home like” by the day.

·        Dogs. Pan and Rufio add warmth to each day. Who doesn’t love petting dogs?

·        My skin and hair love the humidity.

·        It is NOT 100+ degrees outside.

·       Anywhere with Joe Coehlo is the best!