Daily Life and Karnes Remembrances Part 2

Grocery shopping and personal appointments kept us out of the house most of today. We drove into Maple Grove to stop at Lowe’s to check on plumbing supplies and then headed to Costco for gas ($2.85/gallon) and to pick up groceries. Then we stopped at Cub, another grocery store, before heading to Waconia for my mammogram and DEXA appointments. On the way back to Rockford we stopped at Coburns in Delano for a few more grocery items.

After we got home at 2:30pm and had all the groceries put away, Joe walked down to his barbershop appointment in Rockford.  I took a twenty-minute break to do some reading. Since I do most of the driving, I did not have a chance for down time. Driving isn’t difficult and yet it takes a toll after 30 minutes on the road. I drove a total of 2 ½ hours today getting from place to place.

I just received a text to check my online medical chart for test results. The good news is the mammogram came back normal as did my DEXA. No bone density or breast cancer issues to deal with right now! I am always surprised at how fast test results come back through the Ridgeview medical system.

Good thing they weren’t doing a brain scan today. And I am feeling grateful that I should be good for 2 more years before having my next mammogram and two to three years before having another DEXA test. I am feeling blessed with good health!

Yesterday I wrote a bit about my paternal grandmother, Vivian Karnes, known to her grandchildren as Mom Karnes. One of my cousins posted the following comment on the blog:

We all & I speak for my siblings thought that Mom Karnes was mean! We dreaded our visits as there was not much to do there. Remember playing in the backyard.

I in turn responded.

I did enjoy the backyard. I liked the swing set, the trumpet-like flowers we could put on our fingers, and the berries we could pick and eat as they ripened. It was also more fun when cousins would show up and we could all play together. I loved my Karnes cousins so much! Mom Karnes and Dad Karnes were not kid people that's for certain. They weren't nice to their own children, let alone the grandkids!! Mom Karnes used to hit us with her fly swatter. Once, in an emergency, my folks left me with Mom and Dad Karnes. I was four or five years old. When my parents picked me up, Mom Karnes had cut off all my hair.

On further reflection my cousin was right about not much to do there. First off, the house was very small consisting of a front porch, a small living room with my grandparents’ bedroom and a bathroom off it, and a small kitchen with the boy’s bedroom off it. When it was too cool to sit outside, the adults would sit in the kitchen and visit. The children were sequestered in the living room with a black and white television that we were not permitted to touch. We could sit on a sofa, a chair, a rocking chair, or the floor. Between the couch and the chair was a table with two or three fish tanks. If we got bored with TV, we could watch the fish. When I was about thirteen or so, the Karnes boys (my dad was one – not sure which other brothers helped) enclosed the front porch. That was great because we then had that room to sit in as well. There we could talk and laugh. When we were in the living room, we had to work at not being too rowdy so others could watch TV.

I also have not mentioned before that one of my uncles was unable to live independently. He could not walk, nor could he speak clearly. If there was ever a medical diagnosis, it was never shared with me or my siblings. There are rumors that he was injured as a toddler that resulted in his dependence. Once Mom Karnes died in November 1975, Uncle Wayne went to live in a supported living facility in Holland, Ohio about an hour away from Defiance. My dad and mom would visit him a few times a year. I recall my Aunt Betty telling me she had gone to visit Wayne, regularly, before he died in June of 2006.

Now that I think about it, Mom Karnes was the only person I saw help Wayne to the bathroom and to his bed at night. Maybe Dad Karnes helped, and I just wasn’t around when it happened. Because of Wayne’s condition, I learned about disability at a young age. It would be interesting for me to find out if any of my cousins know the story of how Wayne came to be incapacitated. Unearthing family skeletons is difficult as there were things that were not talked about back in the years I was growing up. It was not just the Karnes family. It was the cultural norm.

One other tidbit about Wayne. He loved my mom and dad. Even with speech difficulties he could say both their names clearly. When my family would walk in the door, Wayne would get excited to see us and say their names. His chair was angled so he could see the front door and the television by turning his head just a bit. My parents and each of us kids would acknowledge Wayne by name. He sat with a TV tray in front of him and had some large toy cars he would play with on the tray. He had all his meals in that chair as well. I think when the weather was nice, they may have taken him out to sit in the backyard with other family members. I am not clear on that and honestly that may just be wishful thinking on my part.

I know that over the years, my mom and dad would talk about how they wanted Mom Karnes to let Wayne do more. One year we bought him crayons and a coloring book for Christmas, but he ended up not being allowed to have them.

My heart wants to believe that once Wayne went to live in the supported living facility the quality of his life improved. Maybe more daily social interaction with people? He sure did like to see the company come to the house in Defiance, Ohio.

Enough for today. Please keep in mind most of my recollections are from before I left Ohio in 1974 at age eighteen. And other recollections are from stories my Uncle Junior, and Aunt Betty shared with me during very frank discussions after my dad died. On my father’s deathbed he told my mother stories about his upbringing that mom shared with us. I won’t go into the details in a public forum as they would serve no purpose. Suffice it to say, after hearing the stories, I had immense respect for each of my father’s siblings for the lives they decided to live and how hard they chose to work to support their families.

The uncles and my Aunt Betty were people I cared about. As I mentioned in yesterday’s blog, I knew my Uncle Paul the least. I was thinking about why that might have been today, and I have no clue. Maybe someday I will be able to sit down with his wife, Rita, or his daughters Anne and Holly, and ask them what they knew. I think it was nothing more than busy lives on everyone’s part. Or simple misunderstandings.

I try to hold on to the idea that whatever it was, Paul is now reunited with his older siblings, and they are all going to go fishing and celebrate that they are together in a safe and loving place.

A few more photos of Uncle Paul and family taken from Facebook posts of Holly and Ann.

Ann (daughter) and Paul 2022

Happy New Year, Holly (daughter) and Paul with Aunt Rita in background on the left, a grandchild in background in the photo on the right. 2022

Hooly and Paul 2022

Paul and grandkids 2017

Uncle Paul had a fun streak! Posted 6.18.2023 on Facebook.

Loved this photo. It tells me Paul had a playful streak and reminds me of my own dad.

Paul Karnes as a younger man.