Morning Lament with a Dash of Joy

I have been volunteering at the thrift store for several months now. I like the volunteers. I like the employees of the store. I like the managers’ at the store. I like the work itself.

I am thinking of stopping the work though. It has been on my heart for a week. The reason is simple. I care too much. I know everyone else cares as well. There is a lot of heart happening at the thrift store.

In the process of caring, and with my background in HR, I find I cannot leave things alone when something comes up and nobody else steps forward to right a wrong. Yesterday when I mentioned a safety concern, the response I got was this, “Oh no, what is it now?” The combination of words and slumped shoulders and winced facial expression made it clear that they would prefer not to have a conversation.

That was like a knife to the heart. This is only the second time I have brought something to this person’s attention. Both times, they were things that nobody should ignore. Safety, emotional and physical, in the workplace should be a number one concern.

In all fairness to the other person, both times the situation was corrected immediately. It dawned on me that the only difference between this person and me when someone approaches us is in how we respond to the other party.

Over the years, I braced myself when people came to me with a situation they needed addressed. Early in my career, I probably even used the words, “Oh no, what now?” I would like to think I would not have done this, but I probably did. Training and reading over the years taught me how to respond with a listening attitude and keep my thoughts to myself until I had the whole picture from the person talking to me. Or at least enough of a picture to ask questions for clarity. And I still somehow managed to screw things up on occasion with other people.

I am not looking for perfection. I am not looking for recognition. I do not feel dismissed. I am frustrated with my inability to mind my own business which is sorting, tagging, and hanging clothing.

I feel like as if I am causing more discomfort to others when I simply wanted to contribute something to the community.

This experience is bringing up all kinds of emotions I thought I had resolved over this past year with my burnout. It is uncomfortable right now for me to be sitting with these feelings that I am overstepping my bounds, that I am creating disharmony, that I would serve a better purpose to the people at the thrift store by walking away.

I will keep going to the thrift store to see for a few more weeks to see if I can work through the feelings and find a resolution that is win-win. My stopping would be the win-win? Or is that flight mode? A way to avoid resolving the feelings?

Delving into these feelings has not kept me from finding a moment of joy this morning. I found it in kissing my husband when I dropped him at work. One thing I can always count on is how sweet and thoughtful Joe is in our relationship. He knows kisses are important to me and he makes sure I get a good morning kiss and a goodnight kiss every single day. When we are apart for more than a day, like when he visits his son in New York City, he replaces kisses with a phone call to let me know he is thinking of me.