High School Reunion Anxiety

Fairview High School class of 1974 has planned a 50^th class reunion at the end of June. I RSVP’d earlier in the week. It took me more than a month to make the decision. It will be the first of the reunions held that I plan to attend. I know they have held less than ten reunions over the years.

Yesterday I mailed the check for the reunion dinner. Today I booked the hotel. During my daily meditation this afternoon, my chest began feeling tight and I began to cry. It only took a moment for the word reunion to pop into my mind. I realized that I have strong feelings about the reunion.

It is not something I want to do. It is something I will do for three reasons.

One, a reason for moving to Minnesota was to be closer to Megan and also to my family in Ohio. This means I can also be close enough to attend a class reunion.

Two, I liked the people I went to school with during junior high and high school. I saw my friend Jean last year on our trip around the United States. It was the first time I had seen her in 49 years, and I enjoyed seeing her. I had wanted to see two other high school friends but one was recovering from hip surgery and another was in Florida when we were in Ohio. I have heard all three will be at the reunion and that alone makes the trip worthwhile.

The third reason is that I know I have a false narrative in my head about feeling like I am an outsider. I am not. That is a leftover feeling from high school when I believed that I did not fit in or that I wasn’t good enough. I know a small part of that comes from the school counselor telling me that I should not even think about college, that my aptitude meant I should get married and have babies.

I know that he was wrong about my aptitude. I did go to community college and get an A.S. in Business while working full-time in my twenties. I am grateful to be blessed with a good marriage and loved being a mom to Megan. In 1996, Joe encouraged me to go back to college and finish my bachelor’s degree. I graduated at forty-two years old, while carrying a full academic load, co-parenting two daughters, and working full time.

I enjoyed my career in business for the most part. I met more than a few of  my friends as a result of the jobs I worked. I had the opportunity to work with and to be encouraged by at least  fabulous business owners over the years. I taught business owners, managers, and employees about leadership qualities that helped to make their careers and workplaces better. I got to try sales with Mary Kay and kept that business active for ten years. Again, I met fabulous women I still call friends. My stints at substitute teaching over the years allowed me to learn more about the art of teaching and to be home in the afternoons with my daughter during her fourth and fifth grade school years and then during her high school years. I got to build and care for two residential libraries for Americans and Egyptians in Maadi, Egypt for one year. And now that I am retired, I  write every day!

I admire the friends I will see at the end of June. I know they are all living their best lives as well. I am hoping by the end of the month I will have replaced my “fear” with excitement. I long to let the excitement overcome my anxiety at seeing people I have not seen in fifty years and to feel happy at seeing the handful of people I have stayed in touch with throughout the years.