Learning to Love the Sound of My Feet

 Walking away from all the things not meant for me.

This is what I am learning to do these days. I didn’t retire only from my job. As a lifelong caretaker of the world (and I’ll bet you didn’t even know I was on the job) it is past time for me to stop trying to make everything better for others around me. I seem to be really good at extremes.

I know I’ll always care for others and if someone asks, I’ll be there for them. I really want though to let others care for themselves. I shouldn’t be the only person with strength of character from rescuing myself over the years. And by that I don’t mean to imply I did not have help available to me if I wanted or needed it. When I have asked, I have always received.

I think I have struggled with the ‘not meant for me’ part. After all, isn’t everything meant to be for somebody and if nobody showed up – well that must have meant it was meant for me. Even writing that sentence makes me laugh.

I really am trying hard not to act like I am the boss of the world. Some days I am amazingly successful. Other days not so much. Learning to say no to others is far easier for me than saying no to myself.  

My brain says, “Oh you should do this.”

Me: “Yes! “

Someone else, “Beth, you could (or should do this.”

In my head I think, “You are not the boss of me.”

Me aloud: “No! Thank you for the opportunity though.”

When I was in a local service club years ago, I would volunteer for everything. One day I heard another member tell someone else, “Beth volunteers for everything and doesn’t leave anything for the rest of us.” Whoa. That was a revelation for me. I had to learn to curb what I saw as enthusiasm and stop volunteering in the first go around. I am so grateful I overheard that conversation or I’d still be sticking my nose into everything.

The upside of walking away from all the things not meant for me is that I am making space in my life for all of the things that are meant for me. Like long conversations with friends, naps in the afternoon, enjoying a meal out or in our home with people I enjoy, writing, reading, time with Joe and most of all freedom from others’ worries.