Reflections (Road Trip Day 46)

Relationships and traveling. I have been thinking about the togetherness time Joe and I have had for the past 45 days. When we set out on our travels, I had no idea what 24/7 togetherness would like.

Yesterday afternoon and this morning was the first time we have been apart for longer than an hour or two since March 29^th.  It is a good break. I haven’t had time to miss him, yet. Sometimes I think I miss the idea of him being away from me for a bit versus the reality of actual time apart. What do I mean by that?

Off the top of my head, I can name three people in my life who have lost their husbands to a sudden death in the past two years. As Joe and I age, I fear that Joe could die before me and because of that fear I want to enjoy and appreciate every moment I am blessed to have him here with me.

I appreciate his texts and phone calls when we are apart as it helps me to allay my fears that he is in New York without me to ‘navigate’ for him. Not that I am experienced navigating bus systems. He did fine without me. Joe is great at stopping people and asking for help.

Joe is easy to live with so I expected the trip would work well for us. It has for the most part. We are working on our communication skills. We are learning to speak out loud our thoughts, especially while driving. The other day, I kept reminding him to get into the left lane for an upcoming left turn. He continued to stay in the right lane. Finally, I asked him why he was not moving over and his response, “I plan on it when I feel it’s safe.” I asked him in the future to tell me that when I ask him to change lanes. He agreed that was a reasonable request.

I continue to work on not sighing out loud when we miss a turn. He thinks my sigh means I am angry with him. I’ve explained I am not angry. We have driven in 14 different states so far and the road signs are different in each state and sometimes even within communities. I know he is doing his best. We have agreed that my sighs are not to be taken personally.

Joe has theorized for years that how well people travel together is an indicator of whether a marriage will be successful. He recommends all couples travel together before marriage. I think this idea has merit. I’ll take it a step further though and hypothesize that how well the couple is willing to work on the travel issues that arise is the real indicator. I think it is important to ask for what you need and to let the other person know when something isn’t working for you. This is especially difficult for me as it has been imprinted on my brain over 66 years to let someone else have what they need and to not ask for what I need.

There is a lot going on in this trip that is about more than travel. I am hoping one outcome is that I am a better partner in this marriage as I learn to ask for what I need without feeling as if I am being selfish or needy.

Tomorrow, we leave for Salem, Massachusetts. We will camp at Harold Parker State Forest about thirty minutes north of Salem where we will have dinner with Joe’s cousin and her family on Monday evening.