I also managed an hour nap this afternoon because I was just tuckered out. Since I normally have more energy than I had today I start to think maybe age is catching up with me. The other voice in my head wants me to believe that everyone has days when they are less than 100%, no matter their age.
The sad truth is that I got up every day for so many years and no matter how much energy I had, I learned to 'fake' the energy I would need. The result is that after a while I no longer knew what was real and what was not when it came to energy. My reserves were depleted every single day of the last year of my work career.
I had bought into the idea that my struggle was only my business and that in my role I had to help others with their struggles and keep mine hidden. I think it is one of the most difficult expectations in corporate America at an executive level. Especially in an environment where you are putting people first. I think all the "experts" on business are great at touting leadership without giving people a clear idea of how much work it takes to be a good and effective leader. I learned over the year that the only thing "natural" about most leaders was their desire and ability to put in the effort to do it right.
Anyway, back to my energy level now. I am trying to give myself some grace today. Telling "Beth the Retiree" that it is okay to have a day to be still. A day to lay on the couch and read a book when I'm not getting in my walks throughout the day. A day to listen to podcasts to unwind.
The good news is that I do not have to perform for anyone else's expectations today and all the days I wish to stay retired.
Tomorrow my energy will return.
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