Measuring Productivity or Presence?

I know plenty about “productivity.” I have spent most of my adult life working to be productive because I thought that was the key to success. Where I often trip up is on defining presence. So, I went digging, and one thing led to another until I finally climbed out of the rabbit hole, I found myself happily engaged in digging.

“Presence is the foundation for human connection,” according to Moni Bee in an article published in The Startup (December 14, 2019). I especially liked her autobiographical description of herself as, “feeler of feelings, writer, therapist, stepmom, dog mom, HSP (highly sensitive person) with a passion for relationships, human behavior and realness."

I appreciate her definition of what it means to be present. “It means slowing down enough to notice not only what is happening around you but who is around you. It means listening attentively, noticing facial expressions, body language and other nonverbal cues. It means taking deep breaths and noticing what’s happening in your body in real time. It is being fully in each moment. When we are present, we are communicating to the person in front of us that they are worthy and deserving of our attention. We are showing them that their experience matters.”

Being present in the moment is something I have had to work on over the past ten years. I think I have learned to be present. It was easier to be present when our children were still at home. I suspect I could have done a better job at it. Today, it helps that I love people’s stories and so I can listen and chat for as long as they feel up to it. Active listening requires presence.

This year, year one of retirement, I have mostly let go of measuring my days by my productivity. Writing this blog has a way of coercing me back into ‘productivity’ mode. When I sit down to write, my first thought is, “What can I document about activities today? What would my friends or family want to know?” I make a judgement call that they want to know what I am doing and not necessarily what I am thinking about or what required presence today.

And still, I end up writing about what is on my mind most days because I have nothing to report that I classify as productive. Do you really want to know that I made meatloaf today? Or that I watched Barbecue Showdown on Netflix? How about that I folded my laundry? I am sure you will be pleased to know I paid my bills on time.

I would rather write that Charlotte and I played hide-and-find her heart key chain for thirty minutes on Friday night. It reminded me of hiding games with my siblings. I had forgotten the concept of gauging the temperature when someone is close to an object. “You are getting warmer. Whoa, you are freezing.” Charlotte likes words as much as I do so she got into the spirit of telling me I was frozen, or a roaring fireplace. “You are going to burn up, Grandma.” We had fun. We were not particularly productive. Charlotte was so happy to ‘play’ though and that made me feel happy.