Updates and Reminiscing (Karnes Family)

Joe is beginning to get his routine down for the 12-hour work shifts. He is tired when I pick him up from work. During his workday he walks 15,000 to 20,000 steps and bends and pulls more than he is used to. He is not complaining and is keeping his eye on the growing funds in his machine equipment and pick-up truck bank account.

I worked at the thrift store a bit more this week. In addition to the three hours on Monday and on Wednesday, I went in for 2 ½ hours on Tuesday evening to help with Christmas merchandise. Three hours and I need a nap. Come to find out this is common. I attribute it to age. I am building some arm muscles from the 6 hours a week of removing items from bags and holding them up to inspect them, and then folding them. I also get a lot of steps in as I take the clothes to the appropriate bins to be stored. Tagging and hanging is another phase of the process and requires movement including lifting my arms to hang clothes on a rack. My end game is that in 5-10 years my bat wings may be gone.

Today my lofty goal is to finish the Jonathan Kellerman book I’ve been reading over the past week. Pre-children, I could read five books a week. Now it takes me a week to get through a book. I read a chapter and then feel compelled to putter around finding something to do.

My hip has been feeling better. Until this morning. I notice on cold mornings my body aches in general for the first 20 minutes I am up moving around.

This morning I discovered that the school bus picks up Charlotte and Caleb at 7:10am for an 8:00am school start time. The school is 5 minutes away from us (8 minutes if there is a traffic jam). It reminded me of when I was in 4^th through 6^th grade, our family lived about 5 minutes by car from the school. We rode the bus as well. We were the first picked up in the morning and the last dropped off in the afternoon. Each school day that meant 90 minutes of bus time. I didn’t mind as I loved reading on the bus. I also thought it was cool that I knew where everybody lived – I guess I was an information stalker even back then.

Our grandkids getting on the bus reminded me of how much my brother, Jeff, loved the bus. He was too young for school (he is 6 years younger than me). Every morning he’d be happy when the bus came and again in the afternoon when we were dropped off. It wasn’t because his siblings were home from school. Eventually my mom got permission for Jeff to ride the bus one day and then she picked him up at the school. He was ecstatic.

When Jeff was finally able to go to school himself it was a short-lived bus opportunity. He developed a health condition which resulted in home schooling (the teacher came to our house) for kindergarten and first grade. Two years were shaved off his bus riding years.

One of my dad’s two surviving brothers died yesterday morning. My Uncle Paul. Paul, at 86 years old, was the second youngest of dad’s seven siblings. Dad was a year older than Paul. My dad had a strong bond to his other siblings, not so close with Paul. When my dad was dying, Paul came to the hospital and prayed with my dad. My dad would tell people his idea of church was fishing on Lake Erie. That he felt closer to God on a river than he ever did in a church. My dad was not an atheist nor an agnostic. He just didn’t like organized religion and open displays of religion. He believed our actions were more important than professing Christianity. The last time I saw my uncle Paul was in 1989 at my dad’s bedside. If he came to dad’s funeral (I am guessing he did as he was a gracious man), I don’t remember, but I was feeling heartbroken that day.

I am sad for my cousins, Ann and Holly. Losing a beloved dad is hard stuff.

I don’t think I have ever met Ann and Holly. Maybe at a Karnes family reunion once but they would have been children when I was in my twenties. I think. Again, the families were not close to each other. I can only say that I see how much Ann and Holly love their dad and the things they have shared over the years to know that he was loved and loved them so very much.

Now my dad’s family is down to my Uncle Dick, the baby of the family at 81 years old. Dick takes good care of himself, and I pray he stays around a long while more.

Yesterday, I was researching the birth order of dad’s siblings and came across two photos of my dad’s mom. Her name was Vivian Tussing before she married my Grandfather. In the first picture she is five years old, and the second photo was taken in 1942 when she would have been twenty-nine years old. By then she had given birth to all seven of her biological children and had a child die in infancy.  My dad’s oldest brother’s (Dewey Jr. known as Junior) mom died when he was a baby.

I did not like my Grandma Vivian. I saw her as mean. As an adult, I can look at the fact that she was married to an alcoholic, 13 years her senior, and had seven children by the time she was twenty-nine. It’s a wonder she didn’t kill my grandpa in his sleep. Seriously. My grandpa outlived her, which was probably a blessing for her - she finally got to get out of the marriage. Of course, I am projecting all of this. What I do remember of my grandmother (we called her Mom Karnes – no grandma title for her) was that she loved to dress up and go to Bingo. I remember her getting dressed in her finest house dress and putting on her makeup with bright red lipstick. She didn’t drive so she would go with one of her daughters-in-law (my mom would go on occasion), or a neighbor woman and they would make a night of it. She was very happy when she won. I remember she gave us new socks every year for Christmas which was a luxury to have a new piece of clothing that wasn’t handed down. I remember she was nice to a neighborhood man who was physically crippled and unable to speak. He would walk to my grandparents’ home and sit in their backyard with them. Not much got said, but they could sit together in peace.

When I try really hard, I can think of my grandmother’s good qualities. Mostly, in hindsight, I can admire the energy it took to birth and take care of all those babies!

Available photo's of my dad and some of his siblings:

Ann, Paul, and Holly in 2022

(Paul b. 1937 d. 11/29/2023)

Aunt Betty Nagel (b. 1934 d. 2018).

We ALL loved Aunt Betty. 

Uncle Dewey (aka Junior; b. 1927 d. 2022)

Dad's oldest brother.

Uncle Dick and Aunt Sue (Dick b. 1942)

Dad's youngest brother and his wife.

Joe and I enjoyed visiting with them this past summer in Ohio.

Kenneth Karnes (My dad; b. 1936 d. 1989)

Let's Hit Each Other with Kindness!

 

A few things have happened this week that remind me of the impact we can have as individuals on those around us. I think we all hope for a positive impact and yet reality says there are negative impacts all around us.

“Two wrongs don’t make a right.” Or “Take the high road.” My parents etched these concepts on my soul while I was growing up. It reminds me of a similar saying that came out of recent elections. Michelle Obama’s, “When they go low, we go high.”  When I saw the above meme come up this week, my brain warp speed processed all these sayings and the Golden Rule as well.

“You never really know the true impact you have on those around you.” We can’t know this unless we stopped every single person we smiled at or interacted with on a given day and asked them how they felt after the interaction. I made myself giggle writing that out. Talk about the height of narcissism.

I know that people I encounter certainly have an impact on my life. Good teachers, as well as bad teachers, contributed to my beliefs around education and my abilities. Fifty years later I still remember all my teacher’s names from grade and high school days. It seems in our early years of life that we are the recipients of kindness, and I certainly was blessed and filled with kindness from teachers, family, and my first employers.

As I moved into my teens and adulthood, I became aware that I was part of a larger community and if I wanted a kind world, I had to consciously recognize that interactions with others were impacted by my own behaviors.

As a result of my desire to look for silver linings and find the positive in others, I have been accused of being fake, of giving people enough rope to tie me to the chair, and of toxic positivity. Frankly, my dears, I don’t give a damn. My brain was hard wired to be kind and if there is a downside, I’ll take the good with the bad.

This last year has proven to me time and time again that most people have good hearts and are aware that an action as simple as a smile or an upbeat greeting makes a difference in spreading kindness. I reflect on how many people, people I hadn’t seen in years and in some cases for decades, made time in their lives for us during our travels.

I think of the Marco Polo videos my friend, Kim, sends me that even if life is stressful. She makes time to tell me about her week and I love seeing her face. I think of the Messenger Memes Ginger and Kim send me daily and all of Ginger’s funny comments on Facebook posts.

I think of the people who send me a note via text, a Facebook comment, or tell me in a conversation that they are thinking of me.  

I think of my friends like Jen and Elizabeth, they will reach out by phone or video chat to stay connected.

I think of a woman I volunteer with who greeted me with a hug this week for helping her with a sticky situation she was going through.

Which is why this move to Minnesota, away from my beloved extended family in California, has been emotionally easier for me than I anticipated.

The kindness of friends and strangers makes my life one of abundance.

Early Morning Rockford

 

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas in our neck of the woods. This morning’s drive to take Joe to work (6:40am) was full of Christmas cheer. The photo above is from downtown Rockford next to the community park. In the park itself there are small trees lit up during the night. By the time I could get a photo the lights had been turned off. Maybe I can get a photo this evening.

It is quiet in town at 6:40am. Until you get to Hwy 55 where one meets up with commuters heading into the metropolitan Minneapolis area. We take side streets to avoid the morning rush.

There was a full moon this morning and ice glistening on the green lawns. The Crow River which runs parallel to Main Street has begun to freeze over. It is quite stunning to see the weather changing in a spectacular way. I spent the summer admiring the green everywhere. The autumn and winter-like scenery are proving to be equally beautiful.

Granted, I have the luxury of staying in the house during the harshest weather days.

Today is supposed to be 14 degrees warmer than yesterday, with a high of 31 degrees and tomorrow it is supposed to be as warm as 44 degrees. Joe says anything above 40 degrees feels balmy. Yesterday morning at 6:30am it was 12 degrees, this morning at 6:40am it was 13 degrees. The car starts easily as we installed a battery warmer which gets plugged in the night before. The car usually has ice droplets on the windshield, hood, and top of the car. So far, the driveway has not been icy, it is a sloping driveway, and my fear is I will take a tumble and roll down the driveway and then must try to walk back up the icy driveway. Lots of caution being practiced on my part!

Later this afternoon, I am heading over to the thrift store to volunteer. Usually there are three to six volunteers on any given day, today we are expecting ten to twelve people. Our goal is to finish processing all the donated Christmas merchandise, get it on the sale floor, and do some decorating of the store. On Black Friday the store had $6000 in sales and that was at 50% off everything.

One of the things I enjoy about thrift store sorting is seeing repurposing in action. Many of the adult clothes we receive are name brand, good quality, and look barely worn. They are stylish items as well. I am one to wear a piece of clothing until it becomes threadbare, so it comes as a surprise to see how close to new so many of the items look.

We also get ‘hard’ donations. Books, games, kitchenware, small appliances, furniture, you name it we get it. Each item is inspected and tested before it is put up for sale. We currently have loads of Christmas tree decorations ($1.00/each), lights for trees, and ugly Christmas sweaters ($10). Ugly Christmas sweaters go for a premium price for some reason.

Last week I re-donated an ugly sweater while sorting as we don’t have an X-rated section. It was a naked Santa lounging on his sleigh and the words “Naughty Santa” emblazoned at the top.

I signed up to help the Rockford Girl Scouts wrap presents at the Crow River Christmas Sale this coming Saturday. I am not a talented wrapper though I know a few of the tricks. All Girl Scout volunteers go through a background check, even parents of troop members, before they can volunteer with the girls. Good thing they don’t check out my gift-wrapping background!

Authentic Chosen as Word of the Year by Merriam-Webster

Merriam-Webster’s word of the year for 2023: authentic.

How appropriate that authentic should be the word for the year. When we hear all the doom and gloom of politics and news throughout the world, it is good to question what is and what is not authentic. No worries, this is not a political tirade. I read enough in-depth news to know that there are people like me, who want to live in a democracy, working on and for democracy. If you are unsure of what is really happening on the democracy front read Heather Cox Richardson, Joyce Vance, Dan Rather, Robert Reich, and others writing on Substack.

Authentic has been something I’ve strived for over the past thirty years. Prior to that I was so busy trying to be a good wife, a good employee, a good friend, and a good daughter. So much so that I often subjugated my own feelings to accommodate others. There are three people I can say that I absolutely believed did not require anything from me to meet their belief systems. My friend Ginger, my newborn child (Megan) and Joe Coehlo.

They seemed to like me for who I was and that made me realize I could be authentically myself without the need to play a role.

Hindsight is 20/20 vision. I understand now that everyone else in my life probably loved me right where I was at the time. I was the one who had made the decision to put my own needs aside. I believe that partially comes from being the oldest child, the oldest child in a family living in crisis mode after my father’s accident and growing up in the Midwest (Ohio). The real key though may be that I am female. The expectations that women will be compliant as an employee and wife were more rigidly defined in the 1970’s when I started my career.

For years the one question I often asked myself was, “Where are the lines between self-pity, self-interest, and selfishness?” It really helped when I discovered a few ethics/integrity-based questions and could apply them to scenarios where I wanted to be sure I was living my own truth. “Who does this decision impact?” “Does a favorable outcome only benefit me?” and “Who will be hurt by this decision?”

The other major event that helped me begin to strip away the layers of expectations I held for myself to be the “perfect” daughter, employee, and wife, was Megan’s birth. Being a mother made me fierce. I would do anything I could to protect her. I would do anything I could to let her be her authentic self. Thankfully, I have never had to step outside of my value system to thwart any wrongs on my child. I just had to push past my own limiting boundaries and comfort zone.

Maybe we all are checking our authenticity? Maybe it is the journalist in me from my high school and college years that relentlessly checks the words coming out of my mouth to make sure they are authentic? The quickest way I find myself turned off by someone or an institution is when their words don’t match their actions. We see it in social media, mainstream media, and in corporate America frequently. We see it in people who profess to live a life that is religious based and yet are cruel to others outside of their own belief system.

All of this to say, the word authentic resonates with me. It is how I measure (judge, discern) whether I want someone to be a part of my life. This year I have been working hard to love everyone where they are so that they have the privilege of being authentically themselves.

Somedays I even succeed. 

Pan and Boots

We have had snow flurries off and on today. Nothing really sticking to the ground. It is 29 degrees outside at 4:00 pm.

Joe and Pan went for a walk earlier today, just a couple of miles, so that Pan could try his new “boots.” Joe bought the boots because he wanted to be sure Pan’s paws would stay warm. It was cute to watch Pan prance around when he first put the shoes on. After a few minutes he began to walk normally.

Joe said when he brought Pan back to the house Pan tried to keep him from taking off the boots. Megan took a few photos of Pan and Grandpa going off for their walk.

If it Makes You Happy (Pontificating Gone Awry...)

I saw the above meme awhile back and have been allowing it way too much space in my head. Sometimes I read a quote and I need process it for a while to see why (1) it resonates with me, or (b) why it annoys the crap out of me.

This one did both.

I think it’s my “try to see both sides of everything” brain. I had this problem when I took a couple of law classes in community college. As is often the case in community colleges, the instructors were specialists in the field; both of my instructors were lawyers. The first class I took was when I was nineteen. The instructor was known for flunking as many students as he passed. I was a late enrollee and he told me that nobody could start his class two weeks in and pass the course. He agreed to sign off on my late enrollment if I didn’t whine to him about failing. I got an A. Not to spite him, which I am totally capable of doing. It was because the class was interesting, and I was willing to put in the research on legal issues. And it seems because I analyzed (okay, some might call it overthinking) the heck out of every case we studied. I could easily present and argue both sides of the cases.

The second law class was when I was twenty-eight years old and the instructor in that class pulled me aside at the end of the semester and said, “If you ever decide to become a lawyer, look me up. You are the only person I have met that I’d want to have as a partner.” My essay exam answers were consistently long and would present an array of possibilities. This seemed fine with him. Eventually, I discovered that he figured I was diving more deeply into cases than other students. This impressed him. Ha! I was doing it because I craved understanding both sides.

I mention this not as “Oh look at her so smart!” I mention it as in “this is the only time that other people thought my overthinking anything was a positive attribute.”

Back to the meme.

On the face of it, I think it is true that we should find things that make us happy and live our lives as best we can in pursuit of happiness. We shouldn’t be swayed by other people’s opinions in that regard. Keeping in mind that we are talking about ethical choices. People who want to dance should dance.

On the other hand, if it makes you happy to go into a school and shoot students then you need to check yourself. School shootings have never made sense to me (or anyone I personally know).

Some people are happy being cruel to other people by mocking them or through physical and mental abuse. That would be a hard “no” as well when applied to the above meme.

Hence the annoyed on my part. Annoyed with myself. I know the person who made the original post did not mean it in any nasty, mean sense. Not even an entitled sense.

Taking a sweet, harmless meme and twisting it into a hundred other “what ifs” (as a courtesy to you dear reader, I only listed two) should be an easy habit to give up. Here I am a month away from my year of transformation and I am not sure I have transformed much…

Oh well, since overthinking makes me happy, then it doesn’t need to make sense to you (or anyone else). 

Recovery Friday

This has been a busy week with Joe starting work on Monday and Thanksgiving on Thursday. Today, it was nice to kick back, eat leftovers, have time with the grandkids, and take a nap.

I am not sure if it is age or just adjusting to our new daily routine this week that made me feel like I needed a day to recover my energy after a day of celebration. Joe seemed fine. He and Pan went out for their walk around 11:00am when the temperature was around 28 degrees. They had been waiting until it warmed up. Meanwhile, I bundled up in a blanket, read a book, and drifted in and out of sleep in one of the chairs. 

Sometimes I confuse 'tired' with relaxed. Taking time to enjoy a book or watch a movie was rare when I went to work every day. They were luxuries reserved for weekends that were also full of chores and time with friends. Now I have time each day, after the chores, to do whatever I 'feel' like doing. Sometimes I am not sure what I want to do. Since I began volunteering at the thrift store for three hours on Monday and Wednesday, I am back to appreciating the hours at home to do what I want when I want.

My new subscription to a travel and leisure magazine arrived today. Joe asked if I was going to plan a trip. I told him not for a while! I do want to read the magazine, look at the pictures, and see if anything speaks to me. Other than going to Ohio for the 2024 Hudkins family reunion, I would be happy to keep our trips more local in 2024. I want to go to Northern Minnesota and check out the shore of Lake Superior. With Joe's three-day weekends that could be doable. 

Tomorrow, I plan to dig out my pop-up Christmas tree and a small American Girl doll tree from Megan’s childhood and begin decorating our flat for Christmas.

Thanksgiving Day 2023 (Caution: Food Photos)

 Here I sit in a food stupor. Taking a bit of time away from the food and the company to catch a nap. Instead, I completed a ten-minute mediation and decided to start writing about this day. I will need to go back to visiting in the next few minutes.

This was our first Thanksgiving in Minnesota. Last year, Megan and Jeremy drove out to California to join us for dinner. This year we are in their home enjoying a traditional Thanksgiving meal. My best estimate is we have enough food for three or four days.

The menu: Turkey, Ham, dressing, mashed potatoes, grilled Brussel sprouts, yams with brown sugar and marshmallows, gravy, dinner rolls, stuffed mushrooms, green bean casserole, Caesar salad and cranberry sauce. Finger foods before dinner included olives, veggies, onion dip and hummus, cheeses, salami, and pita chips.

Megan did most of the cooking, while Jermey cleaned up behind her. I helped a little bit and kept Megan company as she prepared the food.

Today we met Jeremy’s (step) mom and her partner (note: Jeremy’s dad died several years ago). They live in Minnesota about two hours north of Rockford. Currently they are staying about an hour north at his brother’s farm while the brother and his wife are in Texas visiting family. They are taking care of horses and a dog on the farm.

Over time, Jeremy has shared fond memories of his mom. Meeting her was special: Allowing me the opportunity to put a face to the sweet stories. Jeremy and his sister felt blessed to have her in their lives. I really love that they still consider her a mom to them.

Megan took pictures of the feast and of all of us at the table. I will end today’s writing with the photos.

Pre-dinner goodies

First Turkey I've roasted in over a decade.

The dinner spread!

Megan took a photo of us at the Thanksgiving table.

Charlotte intent on eating her cheesecake.

Caleb trying cheesecake, He was not a fan. He did eat the cherries and whipped cream.

Eggnog. My first time trying 1/2 eggnog and 1/2 Fresca as a drink.

After dinner and guests left, Joe and Charlotte wound down the day with a game of tug-a-war. 

Another version of Tug-of War where Charlotte is whipped around the room on Grandpa's computer chair. When I see them playing Tug-of-War I am reminded of the Shel Silverstein poem.

This seems fitting somehow during these tumultuous times. Grandpa and grandchild engaging in tug-of-war as a form of sweet connection. Charlotte is not one to give her hugs freely, so this is her comfortable way of connecting with Grandpa Joe. And for the rest of the world, let us hug more and tug less.

Finally, a big thank you to Megan and Jeremy for all their work on providing us with a fantastic meal today in their home. We appreciate all they do for us.

Thanksgiving Day, November 23, 2023

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving Eve

Thanksgiving Eve. Megan is cooking up a storm today. Joe and I will be enjoying our first Thanksgiving in Minnesota. Our first traditional Thanksgiving in thirty years! Last night Joe came home from working his first full 12-hour shift and prepared a cheesecake for tomorrow’s festivities.

He said once he climbed into bed, he was asleep in 30 seconds. I stayed with the baking cheesecake. Diner tomorrow is turkey, ham, dressing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, cranberries, and loads of other sides. In addition to the cheesecake, Joe and I are providing a Caesar salad. I told Megan I would probably take two bites of everything and be full. The guest list consists of six adults and Caleb and Charlotte. Jeremy, Megan, Joe, and me will be joined by Jeremy’s stepmom and her husband. I am looking forward to meeting his stepmom.

Since Joe and I began celebrating Thanksgiving together in 1993 we have had Thanksgiving away from home only once when we went to Bend, Oregon and celebrated with Joe’s brothers and their families. We usually hosted family and friends over the years, and I don’t think we ever served a traditional feast. We opted for other fares, often ethnic, and would invite an eclectic group of people. Multiple years we had at least one Christian, one Muslim, and a Wiccan to cover all religious bases. Not that this was the reason they were invited! We just happen to have a diverse group of friends.

A few of our earliest Thanksgivings were made up of Joe’s family. With a blended family like ours, holiday scheduling can get a little complicated. We always had our kids for Thanksgiving though we worked with the other parents by changing our Thanksgiving dinner to Friday on occasion. Whichever day we celebrated; Thanksgiving was our favorite holiday of the year.

Gathering friends and family together is important to Joe and me. We enjoy the dynamic of young and old together. On several occasions we have had the older guests (seventy plus years old) tell us how much they enjoyed the younger guests (twenties and thirties). Even the most cantankerous guests would leave Thanksgiving dinner with a smile on their face.

This year will be different. And that’s all good, too. Time to make new traditions. Our first Thanksgiving with our grandkids is something to be excited about!

Today I am grateful that Joe and I are in good health.

What are you grateful for today? 

Attitude of Gratitude

 

An attitude of gratitude has long been a favorite mantra. A way to remember that life is full of blessings if we look for them. Today I am grateful for my family. My mom and dad had their struggles. Mostly around my father’s accident when he was thirty years old and the father of five children.

This meant my dad could not work as he spent time in and out of the hospital, then physical rehabilitation, and finally re-education. My dad was determined to get back to work when some people, including his own parents, wanted him to slow down and let the ‘system’ take care of him and his family.

Doctors told him he wouldn’t be able to walk.  He walked. With an odd gait. He walked. Meanwhile my mom, aged twenty-seven, was able-bodied so she went to work. There was no safety-net in Ohio for a mom of five kids with a disabled husband. And to make matters worse, Ohio workers’ compensation at the time did not pay my family while my father could not work. I don’t know all the details; I only know that we lived on my mother’s earnings. First, she flipped burgers and eventually landed a factory job.

Eventually my dad landed a job when I turned thirteen. My mom stayed in her factory job because there were still a lot of bills to catch up on.

My parents taught me determination, to work hard, to try my best no matter what obstacles were in the way, and to do it all with a sense of stoicism. No matter our struggles, we didn’t have to talk about the struggle. People only needed to see the outcomes.  Kind of like the old saying. “I don’t want to hear about the labor pains, just show me the baby.”

Anyway, today I am truly grateful for my mom, dad, and sister who are now gone. I am grateful for my three brothers who each, in their own way, make me proud to know them. I am grateful for my nieces, nephews, and great-nieces and nephews. I am grateful for aunts and uncles who created acceptance and open arms. I am grateful for the cousins I grew up with - they made me laugh. I am grateful for Megan, Jeremy, Caleb and Charlotte for helping to keep me young. I am grateful for my extended family – the group of friends that I chose as my family because they are solid, kind, ‘good’ people.

What are you grateful for today?

Joy and Thanksgiving

 I love the meme above. Since ‘joy’ is my 2024 word, I thought this meme was a great reminder of where I want to direct my energy in the new year. I want to do new things and not expect to be perfect; I want to do them and enjoy what I am doing. So far in 2023 I have enjoyed a journey without a paying job to go to everyday. As I recover from years and years of working, I want to be able to be free to try new things.

By the way, in high school I was in choir all four years. I even did ensemble. I can’t sing worth a darn, but I sure loved singing in choir. Somewhere along the way, I lost the sense of trying new things for the sake of trying without worrying if I would be any good at it.

During this week of Thanksgiving, it is a perfect time to think of what we are grateful for in our life. Today, I am grateful to have Joe Coehlo as my partner.

Joe went to work today at his new job. He spent the day in orientation, mostly safety videos as he had done the administrative paperwork on Friday afternoon. This is a good week to start back up as the plant will be closed on Thursday and Friday.

After sorting clothes at the thrift store, I drove to Buffalo to do last minute shopping for Thanksgiving and then came home and caught up on financial paperwork. After a couple of episodes of Medium (Season 6), I took an hour nap. Then I puttered around the flat. One of the benefits of a small living space is that cleaning is quick and relatively painless. With an iRobot to sweep the floors it’s easier to maintain clean living quarters.

Remember to think of one thing to be grateful for today. Feel free to leave a note in comments or on my Facebook page.

Rest in Peace Rosalynn Carter

Rest in Peace Rosalynn Carter. I have always admired Rosalynn and Jimmy for their humanitarian work which continued well beyond their years in the White House.

Rosalynn Carter’s advocacy for destigmatizing mental health, for mental health reform, for women’s rights, and her compassionate and kind nature are a tremendous legacy.

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I ran across a comic strip on Facebook. It was written for me.

 

Happy Sunday.

Rockford Stats and Entertaining Grandkids

I started reading the Rockford Historical Society website and went down a rabbit hole for a good while. Not sure my brain retained much; however, I enjoyed reading the mini biographies on early settlers.

                          Photo taken in the fall - the Crow River runs through Rockford, Mn.

The company Joe goes to work at on Monday is Kingspan. They are an international manufacturing company with headquarters in Ireland. We are amazed they are in Rockford, Minnesota, population 4804 (the Rockford Chamber of Commerce records 4802 – I added two for Joe and me). I was surprised to discover that the Rockford Chamber of Commerce website states there are 467 businesses employing over 3,784 people in Rockford. The unemployment rate is 1.7%. Notedly, several firms have multiple jobs available at any given time. True Value and Kingspan among them. Meanwhile, the City of Rockford Development Department states there are 110 businesses employing 1,000+ people. Certainly 3,784 people are more than 1000. Pretty hefty + sign there.

Charlotte is the early riser in Megan & Jeremy’s family on the days Jeremy does not work. She came down at 8:00am this morning and climbed on the Street Strider. She bounced from activity to activity until Megan came and got her to eat breakfast. Caleb also joined us. Chess with Grandpa, 5 minutes at a time on the street strider, a bit of Adapted Mind educational games, and they were content to hang out with us old folks.

At one point in the morning, Joe took Pan for their daily 5-mile walk. Charlotte grabbed her sketch book and sketched out a story about a man who turned into a monster when he held a crystal. Caleb watched science YouTube videos on dinosaurs. Charlotte played, “Guess the animal” with me – she acts out various animals and I get to guess. I am not a good guesser. Today I missed with, “Grandma, I was a lion. I thought about being a tiger, but I chose lion.” This was after I guessed lion. How am I to know she changed her mind…

After a break for lunch, they came back down for another thirty minutes until they were allowed video game time in the family room. Video games beat grandparents every time. My reward for all this morning company was a well-deserved nap.

Tonight’s dinner was all you could eat at a sushi place in Plymouth, Mn. It was nice to go out with the family. I forgot my hearing aids, so conversation was more difficult. At least for family members when I kept asking them to repeat themselves. 

Happenings in the Household!

November 15.2023

Charlotte’s reading for this week is titled Terrible Nightmare. Jeremy told me she asked to read it to me today. As soon as she sat down with her story she said, “It has your name in it!” Sure enough, the character in the story was Beth.

At twilight, Beth took a nap on the couch and dreamt she was lost in her car on the road. (I assured Charlotte that I have not gotten lost because I use WAZE). We both agreed I liked to take naps so that part of the story seemed real.

Suffice it to say, Beth saw cows on the road she was lost on. The road came to a dead end and Beth had to choose to turn left or right. She made a choice (this sounds like all our lives). The choice she made resulted in the road coming to a dead end. Then Beth woke up! And everything was okay.

I enjoy listening to Charlotte read and today’s story seemed extra special because Charlotte recognized my name when she saw it and liked the nap part. Charlotte’s reading is coming along nicely. She likes to read with inflection now and is self-correcting when she skips or reads a word incorrectly.

As an avid reader, I appreciate witnessing Charlotte’s progress. I forgot second grade could be so fun this second time around!

Caleb played a game of chess with Grandpa and is now playing an educational game on Grandpa Joe’s computer. Both kids have done a turn on the Street Strider. They make it look easy. I am pretty sure that watching them use it does not constitute exercise on my part.

Yesterday it got up to 62 degrees! One would never know it snowed two weeks ago! Today was around 58 degrees. When I came out of my volunteer stint at 1:15 pm, I started sweating on the walk to my car. Admittedly it is an uphill walk so it could have been from exertion and not the temperature. I had to take my lightweight jacket off to be comfortable. Tomorrow is supposed to be in the low sixties.

On Monday, barring any unforeseen complications, Joe is going back to work. He would like to have a home machine shop. While he has plenty of tools, he does not have machines. Joe gets to keep the money he earns for buying machines. He will work Monday through Thursday from 7:00am to 7:00pm. He will be an extrusion machine operator at a manufacturing company about a mile and a half away. He plans to walk to and from work as the weather permits. I am excited for him as he has been a wonderful provider for our family. Now he gets to work toward making his home machine shop dream a reality.

Minnesota (and Everywhere Else) Nice

Minnesota nice. That’s like a thing. Of all the places Joe and I could have chosen to move to, a nice place is deeply appreciated. The people I’ve been volunteering with at the RiverWorks Thrift Store are nice. That would be expected. I think people who volunteer are by their very nature nice. I have friends that are so busy they do not have time to formally volunteer. Still, they are the ones taking care of a family member(s) without pay – another form of volunteering.

Growing up, my family was both on the receiving and the giving end of other people’s kindnesses. I have appreciated the opportunities to volunteer over the years. It is a wonderful way to meet people with the same sense of civic duty and interests. My volunteer stints have included working events with Soroptimists of Woodland, serving on the Yolo County Arts Board and the Yolo County Grand Jury, classroom volunteering while the kids were in school, and cookie mom while Megan was in Girl Scouts.

It pleases me to see my daughter involved in volunteering. Megan is a co-leader of Charlotte’s Brownie troop, the troop cookie mom for the third year in a row, and she volunteers at the council level with Fall product sales and as a co-chair of cookie sales. As a teenager, Megan volunteered at the Yolo County Animal Shelter and at Homeward Bound (Golden Retriever rescue) and coached a girls soccer team one season.

I am not writing this for kudos. I really would like to encourage people to volunteer when and where they can. Oddly enough, volunteering has improved my life by introducing me to the most amazing people. People I would never have met by sitting at home, exhausted after a day of work. I’ve also gained a better understanding of how county and city governments worked in California. I’ve been exposed to talented people from all walks of life and watched a child during an aha moment of learning.

I’ve heard people say, “It doesn’t pay to be nice.” That is simply not true. I run from people with that attitude. The payback of being nice is in feeling connected to the universe and understanding that individuals can make a difference in the lives of others. 

A Head Start on Christmas Lights

Driving home this evening we got to experience the joy of Christmas. Rockford has decorated the main thoroughfares with stars (Highway 55) and huge red bows with garlands (on Highway 20/Main Street).

We drove into Buffalo this afternoon to pick up Joe’s new glasses and do a bit of grocery shopping. We got back into town after dark and I caught a photo of the lighted stars as we waited to turn on to Main Street.

I discovered the Rockford Area Historical Society webpage today. I’ll share some of what I learn in the days ahead. I was interested because we pass the Ames-Florida-Stork historic house several times a week. One good thing about my nosy nature is that I am always learning something new!

Ames-Florida-Stork house circa 1860

Quilts of Valor

On Sunday, November 12, 2023, my cousin Tammy Higley presented a Quilt of Valor to her brother (yes, also my cousin), Denver Douglas (Doug) Higley. Doug and his wife Karen were able to make it to Huntsville, Alabama for the presentation ceremony.

Tammy Replogle, Doug Higley, and Karen Higley as Doug is presented the 

Quilt of Valor, designed and pieced together by Tammy.

Tammy and friend holding up the completed Quilt of Valor presented to Doug.

The quilt was designed by Tammy. She also designed and pieced the top of the quilt. Two of her friends assisted with completing the quilt. One friend quilted and the other friend bound the quilt.

When I saw Tamny’s Facebook post, I was deeply touched by her act of successfully completing this quilt honoring her brother. When Joe and I visited Tammy and Kent this past April, she shared with us about the project. She also took me to a quilting meeting where I learned to appreciate the beauty, vision, and hard work of quilters in general.

My cousin Doug served in the Air Force from 1972 to 1976 and then in the Air National Guard from 1976 to his retirement in 2007. Thank you, Doug, for your service.

The Quilt of Valor Foundation (QOVF) was established in 2003 by Catherine Roberts whose son was deployed in Iraq. She established the group because of a dream she had. I took this quote by her from the Quilts of Valor website, https://www.qovf.org/: “The dream was as vivid as real life. I saw a young man sitting on the side of his bed in the middle of the night, hunched over. The permeating feeling was one of utter despair. I could see his war demons clustered around, dragging him down into an emotional gutter. Then, as if viewing a movie, I saw him in the next scene wrapped in a quilt. His whole demeanor changed from one of despair to one of hope and well-being. The quilt had made this dramatic change. The message of my dream was: Quilts = Healing.”

As a result of Roberts’ dream the national organization consists of more than 600 groups with 10,000 members in all 50 states and several other countries. As of May 4, 2023, there have been 350,000 quilts awarded.

The November 12, 2023, Huntsville, Alabama ceremony awarded six Quilts if Valor during their ceremony.

Who gets a Quilt of Valor? Any service member or living veteran who served in one of the following branches: army, Marines, Navy, air Force, and Coast Guard. Members of the activated National Guard and activated or active duty-special work (ADSW) reservists are included. The mission statement of QOVF is “To cover Service Members and Veterans touched by war with comforting and healing Quilts of Valor.

Congratulations Doug! Thank you for your service.

Congratulations Tammy! I know this meant a lot to you to honor Doug.

Love you both for your big hearts and willing hands. 

Befuddled

Things that befuddle me at this time of year:

The posts that begin appearing in social media about how people are taking the Christ out of Christmas. Have you ever met one single person who said that we need to take the Christ out of Christmas? It seems to me a total non-issue and yet there are people getting really riled up over this. December shares other holidays during the month and that is why people tend to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Are we supposed to get all upset because people are commemorating Veteran’s Day in November while Thanksgiving is also in November? Or vice versa?

The posts that insist on using name calling as if it is a defense of their political or sports team affiliation. If I call you stupid that means I am right? This is so prevalent; it makes me incredibly sad. We get angry at politicians for behaving in this manner. Truth, here, if you are on my Facebook or Instagram feed, I am going to hold you to my standard which is pretty darn high. If you hate Ohio State football team that’s perfectly fine. Denigrating all Ohioans as stupid is not.

You don’t like a movie? Don’t watch it. You don’t like a certain politician? Don’t vote for them. Bashing other people to make ourselves feel superior in some way is not okay. Now I am not talking about politicians or anyone else conducting illegal activities. They need to be held accountable.

Let’s get real for a moment here, people. There are real struggles in the world right now that we can be concerned about. Someone saying Happy Holidays versus Merry Christmas is not a real struggle. It is a personal choice. So, speak up and say Merry Christmas if it’s important to you. Most likely the person you say it to will wish you a Merry Christmas as well. If they say Happy Holidays in response, they are not denigrating you and your beliefs. If your football team is so important to you that you must consider your number one football rival and their fans stupid, you need to search your soul and figure out how to let go of all that ugliness. It’s football. It’s a game. One you are passionate about. One your rival team’s fans are passionate about.

No wonder there is such a divide over politics in this country. Heck, we struggle with holiday greetings and football rivalries.

Sleeping & Coping with the Cold

Sunday is one of my favorite days since retiring. Before I retired, Sunday was usually a nice day. However, by the time Sunday bedtime rolled along I would struggle with getting to sleep. I’d toss and turn. I’d listen to a sleep story, maybe two sleep stories before falling asleep.

In retirement, I sleep more than I did during my work years. I sleep better, I wake up feeling rested most mornings. I like Sunday best now because it is the official day of rest in my head. Guilt-free rest. Odd how I was indoctrinated into believing that I could rest when I die and the rest of the time, I had to be productive. I am finding this is not true. The world is not coming to a complete halt because I rest more in retirement.

Some people have said, “You deserve retirement!” I think this is a nice sentiment; however, I think all of us deserve to rest more. Rest can be hanging out with friends, spending time with other people we love, reading a book, watching a TV show or movie. It can be cooking a meal for someone we love or baking. Anything that we want to do, anything that makes us feel joy.

The colder weather could also be responsible for my desire to hibernate. It has been in the mid-30’s to mid-40’s this past week. When I went to the thrift store to volunteer this past Wednesday, I got too hot. After three hours of sorting, I was exhausted. At first, I thought I might have a fever until the other volunteers started complaining about the heat.

I bought a winter jacket and wore it on Halloween night when we sat outside after dark. The rest of the time I have a lightweight flannel jacket I wear to the store. One of the employees comes to work in her shorts and sandals. Yesterday, during our car tour of area neighborhoods, we stopped at a restaurant for lunch. Two women in their 80’s were visiting with each other over lunch. They were both wearing sandals. How cool is that?

Joe went for a job interview on Friday and came home to tell me that the factory he toured was warm. After years of wearing a t-shirt, a turtleneck, a polo shirt, and a heavy jacket at his job in California because the temperature was below 68 in his shop the warmth in the factory here comes as a shock.

I know it will get colder as fall ends and winter begins. Maybe that’s when I’ll begin to see boots instead of sandals. Long pants instead of shorts. Coats instead of long-sleeved shirts and sweaters. 

House Hunt Lament

We drove around Rockford, Delano, and Hanover today, checking out neighborhoods. The homes for sale inventory in these areas is low. At the same time, we are seeing homes stay on the market for longer periods of time. Weeks now instead of the days we saw over the past two and a half years in this area. I've been watching the market since about January 2021 when Megan was shopping for a home in Rockford.

People think home prices are cheaper here than in Woodland. They are not, necessarily. Homeowner’s insurance and real estate taxes are more in this area. In Woodland for our home, we paid $500 a year for homeowners; here it is $2500 and up for the same valued home. Due to the weather, primarily hailstorms in Rockford, roofs are replaced in less than 15 years. A roofer told me that most places won’t install a roof guaranteed for more than 15 years. A twelve-year-old roof is considered a big risk when buying a home. New roof prices start at $20,000.00.

I have concluded that until I have the cash in hand for a house, I am going to stop looking at the housing market for what I think I want. Nothing has spoken to me except one house and that ended up being a poor choice for us. I love the house BUT it is heated with propane. Propane is extremely costly. I also have it in my mind that it is dangerous. As a child we lived in a home with a propane stove, and it blew up one night. I remember everything being covered in soot for days as we tried to clean up from it. I am sure technology is better than in the 1960’s. Still, the cost is not one I want us to take on.

I loved driving around and checking out neighborhoods though. It is neat to see how much people love their homes. It is good to rule out that most of the homes in downtown Rockford are out of the question for us. The garages are detached. It would be one thing if the garages were connected even by a small, covered walkway. Nope, in some cases the garages are at the back of the property and accessible by staircases. Can you imagine people walking up outdoor stairways after a snow or ice storm? I am too old for that stuff. I want to be able to unload my car from the comfort of an attached garage.

Other neighborhoods are newer and have no trees, backyards, or personalities. Those neighborhoods are easy to rule out.  Especially the areas with McMansions. We are at the age when we want to not have too much house to take care of so that we can’t enjoy living in it.

I have convinced myself that when the time comes, the house we want will become available. So, I need to stop my ‘house hunt lament’ and spend my time on a pursuit more rewarding. I’ll let you know what that may be at some point. For now, I am happy reading, hanging out with grandkids and Joe, and catching up on some television shows and movies I missed over the past 40 years.

Formo Friday

As I sit down to write tonight, Charlotte is showing Joe how to play checkers her way. I overheard her tell him, “I want to show you, my way. It is not the right way.” Grandpa is onboard.

Tonight’s dinner was breakfast for dinner. Scrambled eggs, sausage patties, bacon, pancakes – both plain and chocolate chip, and strawberries. This meal is a family favorite. After dinner, Caleb came down to play with Legos while Charlotte took her shower. Now it is his turn to shower and Charlotte is showing grandpa how to play checkers her way.

Both kids disappeared this afternoon for several hours. Friday afternoon is the first opportunity they have to get some screen time – video games – during school weeks. That meant I took a nap before dinner. It also meant it was quiet upstairs while they conquered levels on whichever games they are playing this week. 

Caleb and Charlotte have departed for upstairs and family movie night. Jermey, Megan, Caleb, Charlotte, Pan, and Rufio all gather in the front living room and watch a kid friendly movie. Pan loves hanging out with us, but he goes upstairs for movie night!

There is a new business in Rockford called The Spot by NutriSource. Megan went to tour it today as she believes it would be beneficial for her Brownie troop to learn about the dog training the company offers. The company has dog boarding, grooming, and play areas. The proceeds from the business are used to support the work they do to train dogs for veterans and first responders. The company mission aligns with Megan’s beliefs about responsible animal care. The general manager gave Megan a tour and offered to do a presentation for her troop onsite.

Tomorrow Megan and Charlotte have a girl scout outing planned. Jeremy and Caleb are planning on a Stranger Things marathon while the  "girls" are out of the house. Joe and I may go for a drive to see neighborhoods we haven’t explored in the area. We have enjoyed getting to know the area. Currently, the housing supply is mostly new homes and frankly they just feel so sterile – both inside and out. I tell myself to be patient and that once we are ready the right house will come along. It is a waiting game and I need to work on my patience.

Afternoons with Charlotte

Charlotte often comes down to visit us after school on the days she is here. She tells me she is coming to hang out. She climbs on the Street Strider and ‘works out’ for minutes at a time. She chews gum, always asking first. I have told her that she is welcome to get a piece of gum anytime and no need to ask each time. She responded, “I know. It’s nice to ask though.” So, she asks, and I always say yes.

She is only allowed to chew gum in our flat. In the past she had forgotten she had the gum and fallen asleep. It seems gum and her long blonde hair are attracted to each other. Megan had told us early on she doesn’t allow the kids gum because they forget to throw it out in the garbage, and it ends up in their hair or on the floor. Megan is fine with Charlotte having gum in our flat if I supervise the tossing out of gum. It works so far.

This afternoon Charlotte read her weekly page to me before she could “hang out.” Then she had sentences to write in response to questions about the story. Testing for comprehension. I enjoy listening to her sounding out and spelling her full sentence responses. She is doing pretty good with it even when it can feel painstakingly slow to an experienced reader/writer like me.  

Charlotte also likes to make up stories to tell me or act out stories in her head. Megan liked acting out stories (along with her sister, Lauren) when she was younger. I think Charlotte enjoys having me as an audience member. She plays board games with Grandpa Joe and imagination and creativity is my bailiwick.

Yesterday, I was super tired in the afternoon and laid down for a nap. I think it is still a side-effect of the Shingrix vaccine from this past weekend. Charlotte has gotten comfortable coming into our bedroom to wake me up so she can visit with me. After she roused me from the nap we read. Then she played Scrabble for the first time with Grandpa. One of the words she played was mob. I asked her if she knew what the word meant, and she told me it meant the enemy. At dinner last night I mentioned this to Jeremy and Megan. It seems there is a video game that refers to the mob as the enemy.

Joe modified the Scrabble game so that they just built words anywhere on the board. They don’t keep score and they didn’t worry about building off existing words. I think as the game advanced; they began to do that. Joe is creative in adjusting games to the kids’ levels and building their strategy skills over time.

Caleb prefers to spend his afterschool time building Lego items. It is his way of unwinding from his day. By dinner he is ready to be social and play a game with grandpa.

 

 

Day off

I am taking a rare day off from writing. All is well. Kept busy today and realized time got away from me.

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday Travels (Okay, Travels = Errands)

Costco Gas, Costco, Cub, Wright County Compost & Recycle, Buffalo Eye Clinic, and Target were all on our list of places to visit today.

We hit Costco Gas in Maple Grove when there was no line at all, a first for us, and were delighted to pay $3.00/gallon for gas. That’s the best price we’ve seen in a long time. Costco Warehouse was not as busy as many Tuesday mornings, so our shopping went quickly. Cub takes our U Care card which is issued by our Medicare advantage plan through United Health. Our Cub groceries were free to us this week as we had earned money for healthcare activities during October. That saved us $90.00 out of pocket.

Wright County Compost & Recycle is where we take excess cardboard. We had cardboard from our snow tires and recent Amazon packages that would not fit in the regular recycle for curbside pickup. When we got there the place was empty and we were able to drive right in and drop off within a few minutes. Then it was to Buffalo Eye Clinic to pick up my new glasses and Joe’s new sunglasses.

Lucky for us Shannon was free to help us. I wrote about our visit with Shannon last month. Today we learned about her dog, Brodie, he is a sweetheart. He was a stray she came across and even though he was tagged, tracing ownership ended in a dead end. Brodie is 9 years old and loves Shannon. They are both a gift to each other. Shannon shared a video of Brodie. He loves to take her slippers (when she is not wearing them) and he keeps one in his bed and another in a chair he likes to sit in. He doesn’t chew them – he only moves them. He moves her other slippers too into other parts of the house. I always enjoy hearing about people’s animals!

Our last stop was Target to pick up something for Megan. Now we are home and Joe is out walking Pan in the neighborhood. They usually walk five miles a day. It is getting dark earlier (around 5:00pm) which puts a crimp in both Joe and Pan’s plan for today as it was 4:30 pm when they left the house. They like to go out and walk on Hwy 20 to a dirt road about two miles away. Then they walk up the dirt road for another half mile. When they return to the house, they have a five-mile walk. I asked Joe to keep it in the neighborhood today because there are sidewalks so he thought he might walk five loops of the neighborhood which will give him five miles.

My plan for the evening is to catch a few episodes of Medium on Amazon Prime Video and get to bed early. I am still recovering from my Shingrix vaccine this past weekend. I’d rather feel achy and tired with a sore arm than to get Shingles!

For those of you considering retirement. I find I enjoy a day of errands. The nicest feeling is that none of the errands must be done in a hurry. I can enjoy the scenery on our drives, and I do not have it playing in my head that I must get everything done because tomorrow I must go to work. It is a very free feeling. Also, not being in my head in anticipation of the work to get done, sure frees up a lot of energy to enjoy the world around me.