Adventures in Arizona (Day 2)

It snowed most of Thursday night at the Grand Canyon. When we got up this morning at 5:00am my car door was frozen shut. A few hard thrusts and the ice cracked. It was not a pleasant sound.

By 6:15am we were on a free shuttle bus touring the Hermit Road lookout points. The entire shuttle ride is 80 minutes if you opt to not get off at one of the 9 points going and three points returning (the 3 are some of the same points as the original 9). We were the only people for the first 3 points. When you get off, another bus comes in 15 to 20 minutes and you can continue this and spend most of the day exploring. It was too darn cold with heavy wind at an altitude of over 8000 feet.

Our driver was kind enough to give us a minute to take a photo at each stop, so we didn’t have to be in the cold for the 15-20 minute wait for another shuttle. I am glad we went to the park, cold or not, as it is spectacular, breathtaking, and all of the other superlatives that have been used to describe the region.

A few photos below from our tour:

 

We decided to head out a day early from the park since even more snow was forecast for the day. On our way out of the park we caught four elk in the Grand Canyon Village area.

We headed out to Wupatki National Monument, stopping for a late breakfast at Cameron Trading Post in Cameron. We tried Navajo Fry Bread instead of toast. The bread was the highlight of the food so far this trip. Given that we’ve been eating soup made with our dehydrated veggies and trail mix that may not seem like high praise. It was scrumptious though – they served the ‘fry’ bread with honey, butter, a cinnamon sugar mix, and powdered sugar.

Wupatki National Monument is in the Coconino National Forest and borders the nearby Navajo Indian Reservation. We checked out several pueblo sites and toured the Wupatki Visitor Center. I took a few photos of the ruins of a Nalakihu site. Nalakihu is a Hopi word for “Lone House” or House Outside the Village.” We drove the 35 mile loop that connects Wupatki and Sunset Crater Volcano. There was snow on the ground at the higher altitudes of the Sunset Crater area – the roads were clear though! (Unlike the Grand Canyon roads).

                                          Ravens at Nalakihu Pueblo Pull-Out (they are the largest                                            ravens we had ever seen. 

From Wupatki we headed further south to Sedona. Our friend Elizabeth had recommended we check out the Sedona Airport Scenic Lookout. It was warm there (well warmer than anywhere else today)! I took photos from one area while Joe followed a trail part way. For a $3.00 parking fee it was a great economic decision. My photos do not do it justice but you can Google any of the places I’ve mentioned today and see beautiful photos.

We are excited that we will spend tonight in warmer weather and are looking forward to connecting with our friends Elizabeth Boyle-Roden and Dave Roden tomorrow in Gilbert, Arizona.

Mathers Campground - Grand Canyon

 We left Owl Canyon at 7:00 am this morning. Our destination was the Grand Canyon National Park, specially Mathers Campground. We will be here for two nights. We plan to explore the canyon tomorrow. 

We hadn’t expected snow and in talking with other campers it was a surprise to them as well. While it is nippy at 36 degrees it certainly is beautiful to look at from the warmth of our car.

The drive along I-40 was quite spectacular today. The speed limit in Arizona is 75 - we stayed at 70 most of the way to conserve on gas and because we like to look at the scenery. We were excited to discover two open rest areas on today’s drive in California. On our trip to and from Oregon in early March every rest area we passed was closed. We like to stop every hour to stretch our legs, have a bathroom break, and switch drivers.  Rest stops are a quick in and out, we usually find the restrooms to be well maintained, and we don’t feel obligated to purchase anything for using the facilities.

After driving in Arizona today, Joe commented and I concur that the roads in California are better maintained. Every mile Waze was calling out pothole warnings. We hit so many potholes that our Thule shell had shimmied to the drivers side of the car by the time we hit our campsite. Maybe it’s just I-40…

I made soup for lunch today with our 40 oz water pot that plugs into the car lighter. It takes about 30 minutes for the water to get hot. I added some dehydrated vegetables and beef bouillon.to our Yeti bottles and poured the hot water over the veggies. It took another 15 minutes for the veggies to rehydrate. Yum! The soup turned out to be tasty. Joe ate bread with his soup while I went for crackers and cheese. We ate dried apricots and a few dates to round out our meal. The dehydrated vegetables are an experiment. We have found that while traveling three meals a day are too much food. Three small snack size meals work better for us. We save time and money and can make healthy choices with our plan.

Internet for my computer is more cumbersome than using my phone so I am hoping the blogs are readable. With limited spell check and editing tools, the proofreading is hit and miss. My brain fills in missing words when I read through and inevitably I hit post and see an error. Works like a charm.

Borax Mining and Owl Canyon Campground - Mojave Desert

We left Woodland at 6:30am this morning on the first leg of our journey. Our destination for today was Owl Canyon Campground about 8 miles north of Barstow, California.

We stopped approximately every hour to stretch our legs and arrived at the campground around 4:15pm. Weather was good most of the way. It was raining in Woodland when we left and stopped shortly after we got on Hwy 99 in Sacramento. Traffic was good most of the way. No road construction to hold us up.

When we planned the trip, we tried to make each day’s destination no longer than a 7 hour drive. Many days fall more in the 5-to-6-hour range. This gives us time to explore if we choose to do so and still get to our destination while it is daylight.

Our route was I-5 to Hy 99 to Hwy 58 and then dirt roads for about 6 miles to the campground. We especially enjoyed the Mojave dessert landscape. We also saw the aftereffects of a train derailment alongside a mountain. Joe ‘Googled’ train derailments and discovered the incident happened in January 2023. Cleanup started and was put on hold until repairs to the tracks can be finished up. Nobody was hurt in the incident and there were no chemicals involved. The railcars held materials for track repairs. It was a bit disconcerting to look up at green vegetation and see colorful railcars laying on the mountainside.

Then when we were about an hour out from Barstow we saw a sign for a visitor’s center for a Borax Mining company (near Boron). We decided to check it out! The trip to the Rio Tinto Borax Operation was of great interest to both of us. The woman at the visitor center greeted us at the door, showed us a video about the plant itself, gave us samples of what they mine, and at the end gave us mining coloring books for Charlotte and Caleb (our grandchildren). We wondered around the museum for an hour or so before heading outside in the wind to checkout the open mining operation. The pit is 1000 feet below the surface and 2 miles long and a mile wide. The outdoor photos were taken from an observation deck at the visitors center which sits on a hill above the plant and mine.

We learned that Borax is used in a wise variety of products- I knew about soap products but had no idea that it was used in ceramics, insulation, our mobile phones, fertilizers, porcelain enamels, borax combined with chlorine makes for a safer pool cleaner. And on and on. I took lots of photos and posted them on Facebook and will include a couple of them here.

               View of open Borax mine from visitor's center

Vehicle used to transport from the mine to the plant. Huge!

Our campsite is located next to an eroded hill of an ancient dry lakebed. Owl Canyon Campground is located in the Rainbow Basin Natural Area. Wi-Fi is spotty this evening so can only download a few photos. You can read more about the site and see professional photos at the Bureau of Land Management website.

A Joshua tree near the campground. A lot of smaller trees - this one was huge in comparison.

Our campsite

Part of the scenery here in the Rainbow Basin Natural Area

Tomorrow, we head to the Grand Canyon where we will stay at the Mather Campground for two nights.

Last Day at 10 Southwood

 Ahhh… the quiet of our last day in our home. Just a few last-minute chores and tidying up before we leave in the morning. We will shower this afternoon and dress in our travel clothes for tomorrow so that everything we have worn can be washed and packed in our travel bags. We want to pack the car tonight so we can hop in the car and go early tomorrow morning.

As I sit write today’s blog – there are no cobwebs to be seen, door jams and light switches are free of fingerprints, all floors swept and mopped, and both bathrooms cleaned. So, Kim gets a fresh start as the home’s new occupant. Well Kim and her two cats. Alto will have her own feline family.

I caught Kim sitting on her new couch in the living room this morning (see photo below). She looks like she fits perfectly! She’s a perfect part of our hearts (Joe’s and mine) so it is only fitting that she can make this home her home. After we chose to rent the house out, we had several people approach us and offer to buy it (sight unseen) because it is such a lovely neighborhood. Our house is three houses from West Street, which can be very busy. Yet, sitting in our backyard we do not hear the street noise. (Though if a neighbor is blowing leaves on a Sunday morning, we hear that – I think I did a blog rant about that one day). The neighbors are a mix of families, single folk, and older folk. A little bit of everything.

If they think they can help in some way, people do in our neighborhood. I especially enjoy the two families that live across from us with children. Two of the little girls call out to Joe when he is outside, “Hi, Joe! Hi, Joe!” They repeat this until he acknowledges them and then he walks over to talk to the mom and dad. Their dad’s name is Joe, so my Joe is convinced they love to say his name. I think it’s because he always has a smile and acknowledges them. I’ll wave at them and they smile and wave back when they are not looking confused (as in who is that lady?). They see Joe outside working in the yard a lot so they totally know who he is. He also buys lemonade from them when they have their stand.

Joe calls himself a GOFF (Grumpy old Fart x 2 – that’s why there are 2 f’s). He’s the sweetheart of the neighborhood though. I always kept more to myself. The irony is Joe is the introvert and I am an ambivert (51% Extrovert, 49% Introvert – this month – it fluctuates). Yet, he knows all our neighbors much better than I do. He has fix-it and gardening skills, fresh vegetables and fruits, and tools to woo them. It’s not like most people know that I have mad accounting skills and we all know people AVOID HR folk whenever possible. I can laugh about that. Honest. Okay, it may sound more like a mad cackle.

Everything I am doing today is my ‘last’ in this house. This is my last blog written in this house, for awhile at least. Kim will let us crash in the guest room when we come to California to visit. So maybe next year I’ll write another blog in this house. It will be different, though. I will most likely be different too since we are made up of our experiences and I will have new layers to add. I truly hope I am not a GOFF by then (rumors that I am now are totally unfounded).

Tomorrow I will be writing to you from Barstow, California. Our first destination on the way to the Grand Canyon.

For now, I am off to finish up some of the ‘last’ chores.

Q & A - Moving and Travels

 

The movers came today. They took away all 131 boxes and much of the furniture. I felt sad when the truck rolled away. It was a brief sadness. I love our Woodland home. I love it because it’s where we reared three kids and it is full of great memories. I am ready though for new adventures.

One of my friends texted this morning with questions about our move. She wrote, “ Sorry but I’m one of those people that this will bug the crap out of me for months. LOL. You don’t have to answer any of my quirky questions, you know.”

She was referring to her questions around details of our move and trip.

The thing is that I am very transparent about what our plans are and I recognize that people do care what happens to us.

One thing right away – neither one of us is having a midlife crisis or suffering with dementia (that we know of). We are both adventurers in our own way. We are calculated risk takers.

So, feel free to ask questions. I will repeat myself as many times as it takes to reassure people that we are safe and sane.

Here are the questions we are getting from several different people:

Q: Wait, you are moving? Where are you moving to?

A: Yes, we are moving. We are moving to Rockford, Minnesota.

Q: I am confused – are you moving or taking a road trip? If you are taking a road trip why are all of your things boxed up?

A: We are moving AND taking a road trip at the same time. Our belongings are going to Minnesota now so we did not have to put our items in storage and pay storage fees while we were on the road.

Q: Where will all those boxes be stored while you and Joe are traveling around the USA?

A: At our daughter Megan’s home in Rockford, Mn. She has a fully finished basement with a bedroom, bathroom, living space, and utility room. Joe’s tool boxes will go in the garage and the rest of the stuff in the basement. It will be our apartment until we find or build a house. We will share her kitchen which is at the top of the stairs.

Q: Will the delivery people put everything downstairs and you’ll have to take them all Upstairs when you find a place to live??

A: Yes, the delivery people will put everything in the basement for us. When we move from the basement to our own home, we will most likely hire movers again and they will do the heavy lifting.

Q: Are you taking your plants with you?

A: No. We are gifting them to Kim. She is welcome to give them to others if she chooses.

Q: During your trip will you be in ???

A: Right now, we are planning to go wherever we want.  We have scheduled our April visits in Arizona, Texas, Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, and South Carolina. About mid -April I will begin scheduling our May visits with people along the eastern seaboard. If you have not mentioned that you would like us to drop by to see you, please feel free to text me at 530-867-5696 (but include your name) or Messenger me if you are already a Facebook friend. Some folks we are seeing for several days and others we are meeting up with for lunch or dinner or a cup of coffee or a tour of their town. We are not asking for anything in return except your time! We even have our Subaru Outback set up to car camp so that we have the freedom to sleep almost anywhere (a National Park, a roadside rest, a state park, a Pilot Truckstop, etc. We are blessed to have a number of folks offer to let us stay in their home. We appreciate that. At the same time, we don’t want anyone to feel obligated to put us up.

Q: How long do you plan to travel.

A: Well, Megan would like to have us in Rockford by September because that’s when football season starts (we are her childcare for football games). We will end our trip in Rockford this year and then in 2024 plan to do Dakota’s and head west for another road trip.

 

Taking a Break Today

This would be me! Three days before we begin our road trip.

Taking a break from writing a blog today as we prepare for the movers to be here in the morning at 7:30am. Box 104 and box 131 are still open ready for everything that needs to be last minute packed (laundry is running). The boxes will be sealed before we go to bed this evening.

Cranky

I may have been a bit irritable today. It reminded me of the last time I felt irritable (February 3, 2023 – one of the upsides of blogging everyday is I can look back and find out the last day of irritability). Discovering that there were fifty days between fits of irritability made me feel a bit better. Based on a 50-day cycle that’s only seven days a year. I can live with that.

Let’s hope Joe can live with it. He has fewer days of irritability than I do. Okay, that I KNOW of. Come to think of it, we both experienced more irritability when we worked. Fortunately it was rarely because of  something either one of us said or did.

Today though, Joe’s behaviors were tweaking me out. I have not slept particularly well the last two nights as we are sleeping in the guest room. My brain is discombobulated with the change. I slept better in the car when we were in Crescent City. My body aches from all the bending, stretching (cleaning and packing are “all body” exercises) and scrubbing for the past couple of days.

Here is a list of Joe’s annoying behaviors:

·        Offered to cook dinner. (Until my retirement he cooked dinner 99% of the time, since I retired I have been doing 99% of the cooking). I had a plan and his offer was messing with my plan. Had he said, “I will take you out to dinner” it would NOT annoy me. We are eating up all the food in the house though – so no eating out.

·        Took the shower knob apart to fix it. (Remembered he needed to finish the job when I announced my desire to shower).

·        Swept the floor numerous times where I was packing.

·        Brought me stuff to pack because it did not fit in Box 104. The box he insisted he needed two weeks ago. Box 104 (of 131) is EMPTY. It will be our last-minute throw it in the box – box.

·        Lost the Styrofoam packing for his computer monitor. Solved the problem by using a Yoga mat as a wrap.

·        Said he was going to set the table for dinner and then went outside and swept the back patio (to be fair he DID come back in and set the table before dinner was finished cooking).

·        Can move faster and longer at age 72 than I can at 66.

·        Kept getting in my way whenever I wanted to throw something away or wash something.

Meanwhile he did all of these other wonderful actions that the rational part of me says I SHOULD focus on:

·        Cleaned all the cupboard shelves and the top of the refrigerator that I couldn’t reach.

·        Wandered around the house for me to check that I had not missed any items in our packing.

·        Offered to wash the dishes (I usually wash and he dries) because I cooked. I enjoy washing dishes (even when I’m tired and grumpy), so he didn’t make a fuss when I declined his offer.

·        Cleaned the bathtub in the guest room (he says there was only a little dust in it – I swore the cat had drug stuff in it – straw from the back garden, etc.).

·        Kissed me when he walked into a room,

·        Ran to the hardware store to buy more packing tape along with a trip to the library, mostly to give me some quiet time by myself.

I cherish every one of these moments – including the items I listed as irritating. It was just for today that I felt irritable. Most days they wouldn’t even register. I have seen too many of my friends lose their husband in the past several years. I want to treasure every day I have with Joe. I don’t want to waste time being grumpy. I suspect though that it is possible to love someone and still want to lock them out of the house for a few hours.

Only until I stop being so grumpy.

 

Five Mornings From Now

Five mornings from now we will be pulling out of our driveway and beginning our road trip across the country. So far we have scheduled visits to Arizona, Texas, Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, and starting to work on our visit to South Carolina. That should take us through our first month of the road trip. We will have driven about 2,890 miles when we get to Pelion, SC, our first stop in South Carolina. It looks like we will be in North Carolina the first week of May.

I am excited to get this trip started! We have only a tiny bit of packing to do for the trip and for the move. That feels good. I am a planner. I am trying to go with the flow on the trip and at the same time be mindful of other people’s schedules so balancing the flow is taking some time. There has only been one person so far that cannot see us when we are in their area. They are only available for a visit during weekends and already had plans for the weekend we are near them. Another time.

I did take a moment today for a manicure. That was a lovely treat. One I realized I can do while on our road trip. Joe reminded me this morning that when we went to live in Egypt (July 2002 to July 2003), it was an entirely different culture, and we did just fine. One of my favorite books fifty years ago was John Steinbeck’s Travels with Charley. Charley was a dog.

Charley and John traveled the U.S. in a pickup truck with a camper shell. We have a nice cozy Subaru Outback where we can comfortably sleep when we want to stop at a campground instead of a hotel. Maximizing our choices of where to travel to and when.  We will not have a dog on our trip. My essays could be entitled Travels with Joe. Joe is a human. My sweet husband.

Five mornings (Wednesday, March 29^th) from now we will be leaving our California home with the plan to make Minnesota our residence. Our residency will not start until we arrive in Minnesota – so we will be Californian’s for awhile longer.

Five mornings from now we will be leaving our friends and heading out to visit other friends. I am grateful for Facetime, Zoom, Google Meets, WhatsApp, Messenger, and other programs that allow us to stay in touch with face time. This is different when we moved to Egypt in 2002. Then we were reduced to phone calls and emails. We had mobile phones but many of our friends did not so communicating was more limited.

Five mornings from now we will begin a new journey.

 

Rabbit Hole (How a Trip to the Mattress Recycling Center Got Me Thinking)

 

We took our queen-sized mattress and box springs to a recycle place today. And Joe made a run to the landfill with dead electronics. On the drive to the mattress recycle, with the box springs tied to the roof of the car, along with the foam mattress keeping the trunk door from fully closing, I thought of the Clampetts. I loved The Beverly Hillbillies.

I loved that they stayed true to their core values in spite of their sudden found wealth. Back in the day I identified with Elly May, (Donna Douglas). Today, I identify more with Granny (Irene Ryan). It wasn’t until I looked up the show on IMDb today that I discovered Granny had a proper name – Daisy Moses.

Coming from a small town of 400 people in Ohio, I sometimes felt as awed by other people and cities as the Clampetts felt by Beverly Hills. Just like they kept some of their country ways, I kept my small town mid-western ways.

I think I’m going to see if I can find the series online and watch it.

The nice part about retirement for me is that I can go off on tangents when one thought leads to another!

We have packed up everything for the movers except for last minute things on Sunday night. I spent a good part of my day working on trip plans and doing loads of laundry (blankets, sheets, towels) so we could pack more stuff.  Got our trip plans outlined up to April 28^th when we plan to be in In Pelion, South Carolina.

Darn Cat

Alto (aged 13 years) inside of a moving box - because she can

The last couple of days I have been feeling a bit out of sorts about leaving our cat behind during our road trip and move to Minnesota. Except Alto is not our cat. She was Megan’s cat since adopted in July 2010. Alto stayed behind to live with Joe and me when Megan moved to Minnesota two years ago. A Minnesota family member is allergic to cats. Now here we are planning to move, and Alto cannot travel with Joe and I around the country. Then we will be staying with Megan’s family for a while once we get to Minnesota.

This all means Alto will have a new human caretaker in the house she’s lived in for a while as a kitten and then again for the past two years. Fortunately, our friend - Kim, likes Alto and Alto likes her. We have an amazing cat-friendly backyard that attracts a lot of birds and bugs to chase. Kim has two other cats so Alto will have company.

While we are packing Alto climbs in the boxes and gives me an evil eye look when I pull her out. I am convinced she knows what all of the boxes mean, I fear we are traumatizing her. Joe and I had opted out of pets as the kids left home. At one time we had three kids, three cats, a dog, a rabbit, and a couple of fish ALL AT THE SAME TIME. As each pet crossed the rainbow bridge, we made the conscious decision not to get a replacement pet.

A year ago someone offered to take Alto and raise her with their other cat and dog. At first I was very excited but as the time grew nearer I decided Alto needed to stay here where she could roam the backyard (except when it's raining or too cold) to her heart’s content. At one point a neighbor asked Joe if Alto was getting enough attention from us since she was outside so much and was not friendly toward the neighbor. This cracked me up. The problem must be us because our cat didn't like them.

When we have company Alto either likes the person right away or has nothing to do with them. Our dear friend, Babak loves to pick Alto up. Alto does not like to be picked up by anyone. Still she lets him hold her for a few minutes before she escapes. When people come to visit she likes to rub against their legs  or she will sit by the sliding glass door to the backyard until one of our guests lets her out. She has all of us trained.

Alto annoys the crap out of me most days. She rubs up against me for pets and then bites me when she’s finished. Telling her, “We don’t bite grandma” has not worked on her at all. She also likes to lay on top of me while I am sleeping. Preferably with her tail in my face. She turns her nose up at certain foods. Wants to be let outside and then right back in. Has let us know she does not like the rain and expects us to have it stop. She can be very vocal when she does not get her way. There are several cats from the neighborhood who like to sit on the back step and taunt Alto when she is inside. After two or three minutes this produces a god-awful yowling sound from Alto. Joe will usually open the door and the offending cat will take off in a mad dash. Alto will lick her paw, leave the room, find a cozy spot and take a nap now that the yard is clear of other felines. She is bossy.

So why do I feel sad about leaving her behind?

What Has Made You Fierce?

It turns out that having someone who believed in my failure more than in my success kept me alert. It made me fierce. Without ever meaning to, my father taught me at an early age to give up on the idea of approval. I wish I could bottle that freedom now and give it to every young writer I meet, with an extra bottle for the women. (Ann Patchett, My Three Fathers, New Yorker, 10/5/2023)

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/10/05/my-three-fathers

The above excerpt is from an essay by Ann Patchett published in the New Yorker in October 2020. The essay, My Three Fathers, was recommended to me by someone. I think it was my friend Jen Longworth who is always reading something of interest and passing it along to me.

The essay is excellent as expected. What surprised me was how the piece moved me. When I came across the paragraph above I knew this was exactly the words I needed to see.

There are two points I want to explore in today’s writing.

(1)   The idea that we can become fierce in our desire to succeed when someone thinks we will fail and,

(2)   Giving up on the idea of approval from others gives us freedom to be our true selves.

Unlike Ann Patchett, my father was not my influencer on these points. My father’s influences were more in line with work hard no matter what obstacles are in your way and don’t quit, no matter what.

The person I would credit with making me fierce in my pursuits to succeed would be a High School counselor. In my senior year, the school counselor advised me to “get married and have babies. You are not college material.” Fortunately, I ignored the advice. Oh, I got married at 18 years old; however, I pursued a business career and part-time college simultaneously until my daughter was born when I was 36 years old. Finally getting a bachelor’s degree at age 42. I always did well in college so obviously I was college material. It makes me wonder how many other people this counselor tried to discourage.

Giving up on the idea of approval is still a work in progress for me. It wasn’t until I retired that I felt I could live with the vulnerability of giving up the need for approval. When I started this blog, I decided I would write it as if it were a personal journal – meant only for my eyes and for those friends who want to keep up with what is happening with me without the need to call and ask me. Some days I feel a tad but guilty that it is not meant for entertaining. Then I remind myself it is meant to be about the journey and not about pleasing someone else.

A few people have told me they think I should write a book or try to publish what I write. I tell each one no. I want this to be authentic and not an approval seeking piece. I want to write what my soul wants to write about on any day without the need to please an audience. Please don’t think that means I don’t care about you. I do. My question is how do I stay authentic to me if I am writing to please you?  Perhaps in the act of honing my daily writing you will like what I write and we each win. For now, it seems a safer way for me to continue to work on giving up the idea of approval.

Life's Hiccups

Welcome spring! In California spring and fall are my favorite seasons. When I was growing up in Ohio, fall was my favorite season. Spring in California usually means the return of green foliage with warmer temperatures - perfect mornings to sit on my back patio and forest bathe. Of course tomorrow it is supposed to start raining at 1:00am and continue until around 6:00 am on Wednesday morning. No patio sitting tomorrow!

I got a bit of a shock today when I was talking to my mortgage company about the change in the homeowners insurance to a rental insurance. The customer service person told me, “You have to get our permission to rent out your home. So send us a copy of the lease and we will send it to our legal department to have it reviewed.” I am pretty good about reading fine print and do not recall ever reading that I cannot rent out my home. It seems this is true if you even rent a room out in your house. I probably didn't register the rule becuase it would not have meant anything to me at the time we bought the house.

Any way I sent the formal request and a copy of the lease by email, and they have acknowledged receipt of the request. My thought is that this must be a formality as why would they require a signed lease from someone if they didn’t intend to approve the rental? No worries though, if they decline to give us permission, I have a plan B and a Plan C as I do not want our house sitting empty. I did Google the lender having to approve the rental plan. According to what I read, approval should not be an issue as we have lived in the home since 1993 (our home is almost paid off) and the rental is considered short-term. It is obvious we did not buy the house as a rental investment but as our primary residence.

We are in our final week of getting everything in place for the big move. One week from today we will have everything loaded on a moving van and on its way to Minnesota. In 9 days, we will be on the road traveling the United States.

Unsolicited Advice

(One of my heros when I was growing up - she had the cool job!)

I am a Facebook Stalker. I enjoy reading what people post on Facebook. People I know anyway. Well sort of know. I am selective about the people I friend. I have liked them or am related to them (and I also like them). Sometimes I do hide certain posts from popping up on my timeline because the things they share can be inflammatory or downright untrue posts. I believe we have a say about what we choose to read.

What I’m wrestling with today is not political, religious, or scandalous. It is posts where people rant (including me) and people give advice. Unsolicited advice. Or is it unsolicited? One part of my brain says everything is fair game when you post on social media. I think we should be respectful. Advice is not the same as trash talking someone or shaming someone for their beliefs. I am talking about just plain old advice on how to resolve a situation.

I have tried to cure myself of posting advice. Not sure how successful I have been over the past year. Since 2021 when I chose the word “grace” as my word of the year, I have been trying to give everyone the benefit of the doubt whether they are the person sharing their thoughts or the person giving advice. My mantra has become “let it be.”

Someone recently (jokingly) asked me “What is the meaning of life?” My response, “It is.” They then laughed and asked if I had any other answers for life in general. My response, “Let it be.”

Sometimes though we can’t let it be. And its in those times I want to practice grace. Do we call out racism? Bigotry? Lies? Or do we simply let it be? That’s an extreme of the advice giving. I have found over the past seven years calling people out on a ‘belief’ doesn’t make anything different. So sometimes in a split second we have to decide if what we have to say will make a difference for anyone. Is the recipient open to change or does it just make me feel better to stand up for what I believe in? Is it enough that I feel better for having spoken my mind?

Back to day-to-day stuff though. The hard part about social media is recognizing it is not a conversation. We are not having a give and take conversation, face-to-face, to be able to read the whole message including body language and voice tone to know if the person sharing wants empathy or advice. I have taken to thinking everyone is simply looking for validation that their view has merit.

I spent almost my entire career teaching people in the workplace or having answers for people. It is hard to turn the answer mode off at times and to just listen, not for content, but for empathy. I had neighbor kids coming to me for relationship advice starting when I was in 7^th grade. Most of the kids were high school students. To be fair, I had started reading Dear Ann and Dear Abby in the newspaper as soon as I could read. I thought they had the coolest jobs ever! They read letters from people and answered them with compassion and kindness. (Side note: I do not like snarky advice). Maybe if the other kids had read Ann and Abby, they would have bypassed Beth.

Anyway my point is, I have been giving out advice for MANY, MANY, MANY years and it’s a hard habit to break.

So, here’s my thought. When someone gives us unsolicited advice, what if we say, “Thank you for the idea” and move on? My theory is that you never know when the idea might come in handy in the future. And how lovely to think that someone cares enough about me or my situation to take a moment to share their thoughts or experience on a post?

By the way my word for 2023 is transformation. I chose this word because I knew there would be changes in our lives as Joe and I retired. And of course, I am always working on finding the best version of me and I know that requires me to transform emotionally, mentally, and physically. It especially means I have to work on transforming ideas and attitudes about how I choose to respond to situations.

Oh yeah, and I am sort of out of the advice business… at least on social media.

 

Singing Your Own Song

 

The above meme from tinybuddha.com is a great reminder to be authentically ourselves. It is something I continue to learn to do. Asking myself if I do what feels true for me or if I am doing what someone else expects. My daughter has always marched to her own drum, I admire her for doing so. I remember in my 30’s lamenting (in my head) that I was always expected, “to be the good daughter, the good wife, the good mother, the good employee” – I thought that made me boring. It probably did. There is a saying, “You are most like the 5 people you hang out with.” I found friends that were, and still are, authentically themselves and it has helped me to feel more confident to be me. I am still a work in progress.

The days are speeding by now as we prepare for our trip and our move to Minnesota. Joe is still plugging away on his tool inventory valuation. He is well over halfway through the 1600 lines he had to assign a value to for insuring for the move. This afternoon, he took a break to do some weeding in the front yard. Some of our poppies may bloom before we leave on the 29^th.

This morning we met up with Greg and Kathy Cook for coffee. Greg and I were married for 19 years and he is Megan’s biological father. We caught up on family members and who is doing what these days. 

I also spent part of the day checking out camping sites in Texas and making reservations. I enjoy the reservations.org site for making camping reservations. I like having the fees pre-paid. We won’t have to be concerned about carrying cash in different denominations since fees are different at each of the campgrounds. There is also the relief that we have a camp site and can't be turned away because the camp is full.

Friday

I am not sure about the 'wise.' Defintie on the "and she lived happily ever after."

Last night My cousin Eleanor, Kim, and I had dinner at Ruth Chris in Sacramento. It is one of those guilty pleasures we engage in once every other year usually at Christmas time as a treat. This past December we had reservations and Eleanor ended up indisposed. Kim and I went anyway. After all, maybe it would be my last trip to a Ruth Chris for a while.

Wow! I ate at Ruth Chris twice in 4 months! Yum. Eleanor, bless her heart, ended up treating us for our going away dinner and Kim picked up the tip. I simply basked in the glow of the best ribeye steak ever and cheesy potatoes (I ate leftover potatoes for breakfast this morning), sauteed mushrooms, a shrimp cocktail, Brussel sprouts, stuffed mushrooms, and crème Brûlée.

Wait, this is not a food column. It was decadent. Good food and good company. Eleanor and I have been getting together for dinner once a month for many years now. Kim started joining us a few years ago. Thank you, Eleanor for the treat!

This morning I spent time doing errands including stopping by Eleanor’s house for a visit. I also connected with a friend in College Station, Texas – Jen Antoniou. Planning with her to visit while on our grand adventure around the U.S. Then it was home to organize and clean stuff. An afternoon nap was then in order.

Have I mentioned how much I love retirement? I do, every single moment of it. Even the cleaning ‘stuff’ parts.

Skilled Labor Appreciation

 This morning I dusted and swept out our closet spaces in the house. I had to get on a step stool to clean the shelves in the closets. I suppose oncer every 30 years is a good idea. Being 5’2” tall has its advantages – if you can’t see it - it must not be dusty.

During this it dawned on me that the walls need painted. I am resisting all mental efforts to do any painting. I know it’s a rabbit hole I am not going to go down. I love this house and structurally it’s in good shape for a house built 63 years ago.

The electrician, Manny, was able to make it over today to look at the three outside electrical outlets that did not work. Okay, they haven’t worked since 2003. We were okay though because we only used it for our water fountain and I could run a cord into the dining room. At a cost of $45.00, Manny installed a new GFI. Two wonderful things to know about Manny: (1) He was willing to show Joe how to diagnose and fix future electrical GFI issues. (2) He is right up there with Joe Coehlo as the sweetest man I know. As he was leaving, Manny offered to come over “as a friend” to help us move anything that needs moving. That brought me to tears.

Joe met Manny when he did repairs at Megan’s house a little over 2 years ago when she was getting her Woodland home ready for sale. He lets Joe tag along during repairs and shows him tricks. Some skilled labor folk do not want the home owner underfoot. There are even jokes about charging more for ’helping’. Joe though is a kindred spirit with Manny, and the plumber, and the pest control guy, and okay – EVERY one of the people who come to do something Joe can’t fix. I believe they know he respects the hell out of their skills and I suspect he asks nicely if he can walk around and watch if he thinks there is something he can learn. Note – he did not go under the house with the pest guy who had to scrape and repair some potential mold issue under the house. I think he offered, though.

Today was also the day that I spent 2 hours picking lint off three new sweater shirts Joe purchased yesterday. Seems I left something in my laundry that caused said lint. That won’t happen again! I am talking LOTS of lint. Trust me at one point I considered going to the store and replacing the shirts, after all they were on sale. I listened to Bonnie Raitt and Ed Sheeran music while cleaning lint. Let’s just say their music makes everything more palatable.

A Post-Retirement Wednesday

Another peaceful day at our house. With the packing completed, except for the last-minute packing to do the night before we leave, I have time to work on the second leg of our trip. We plan to leave Gilbert, Arizona on April 10^th and head toward Lufkin, Texas to visit family. We are committed to only driving 5-6 hours per day so will take three to four days before we make it to Lufkin. I am waiting to hear from family in the area before planning further.

Joe spent part of the day working on valuing his tool inventory. When there are over 1500 items to value it translates to days and days of work.  This is the third day he has been at it, and he told me he took several long breaks today to "rest his eyes." I suspect this is code for watching You Tube machine shop videos. 

I had lunch with my friend Deb today at Maria’s Cantina. This was the first time Deb had eaten at Maria’s and I fear we both ate tons of Elizabeth Burden’s tortilla chips so couldn’t finish our lunches. We did save room for flan. A good friend is one who shares the belief that you must save room for dessert! As usual, I enjoyed my time with Deb, and it ended up being a 2-hour lunch (possibly longer).

This evening Joe and I had dinner at Kitchen 428 with our dear friend, Mary Ellen. It is always lovely to see her and spend time chatting about grant writing, Dancing with the Stars, and catching up on how mutual friends are faring among other topics. As we were driving away, Joe was astonished that dinner was 2 hours long. Ha-ha! That is normal for me and meals with friends these days. Unless my luncheon friend has a job...

Joe and I started our morning with a conversation on how nice it is to go to bed when we are tired and wake up without an alarm. Somedays we are up at 4:00 am and other days at 7:00am. Tomorrow Joe will have to get up early as he has an 8:00 haircut appointment. Not me, though, I can sleep as late as I like. I have had a few mornings where I have crawled out of bed at 8:00am. The world didn’t end.

So much about retirement is freeing for us. We have been early risers for years, now we have more options. The early bird may get the worm – we don’t want no stinkin’ worms. If we want to get up early, we can! We found that when we car camped, we would wake up around 6:30am. This is still later than our pre-retirement schedules of 3:30 am for Joe and 5:00 am for me.

My granddaughter, Charlotte, is still trying to make her Girl Scout Cookie goal of 1000 boxes. She still needs to sell 265 boxes with 11 days left to sell. If you are still looking for a cookie source, you can order from her at:

https://app.abcsmartcookies.com/?fbclid=IwAR12gj5CHzVUEzG23U0cplD5s7QZez5sd4n2JuJdo5Kpk0bhHGxob8JUlEM#/social-link-landing/e985b5a3-cc55-4a3b-af4a-77f17668f818

There is also an option to donate 6 boxes of cookies at the same link and Charlotte gets credit for the boxes.

Until tomorrow!

 

Chillin'

 Today has been a relaxing day. We met with the moving company this morning for a general walk through and all is good – we got a few more tips to help with packing some odd sized items. It was nice to take a break from packing.

One of my many cousins on my mom’s side gave me a call today out of the blue. My cousin is 67 years old, and we were very close growing up – until I married at 18 and moved to California. She said she came across my phone number and decided to call me. We had a nice time catching up. She does not use social media or even go on the internet so had no idea we were planning to move to Minnesota.

Joe and I received an awesome gift today from my friend J in New Jersey. She sent a book entitled “The Well Gardened Mind” by Sue Stuart-Smith. I am looking forward to reading it aloud to Joe on our trip (while he takes his turn driving).

Joe is working on valuing his tool inventory and I have been watching a series called Chuck on HBO Max. It is funny and I am glad I took the break.

An almost full day of just enjoying the moment. I love retirement.

Don't Forget the Old Ones

Whew! Today we got everything packed that needs to go into boxes except for the few kitchen, bathroom, and linen items we will pack up the night of March 26^th for the movers to pick up on the 27^th. I plan to spend the rest of this week planning out future legs of our road trip. Next week is reserved for house cleaning and more road trip preparation.

Today I made a phone call that was difficult for me to make. NB is a friend of our family. We have known her since Joe moved into the house in 1993. Thirty years. NB’s mom lived next door to us and the two of them worked at our wedding reception to get hot food on the table and cleaned the kitchen at the end of the day. We always appreciated their help and they both loved our daughter, Megan to pieces. NB had her own piece of property in the Woodland countryside and raised goats, may have had a few cows at different times, chickens, and horses. She came into town every weekday morning though to dress for work at her UC Davis job and have a cup of coffee with her mom. And every morning she would leave a quarter in a small porcelain basket for Megan.

It was a ritual from the time Megan was two years old until she started school (and maybe beyond). After NB’s mom passed away her mom’s house sold, NB no longer came to town every morning. We stayed in touch though and saw each other at least once a month. A number of years ago now, their barns burnt down when three separate fires converged on their property. The fire was caused by PG&E wires meeting up with trees and brush. Joe, Megan, Lauren and I went out for a day and used magnetic sweepers around the property to pick up nails before the new barns could be rebuilt. At the end of the day we were covered in black ash and there were three 55-gallon drums full of nails from the burnt barns. It made us feel less powerless to be able to help NB in some small way. She lost animals in the fire and she loved all of her animals. She was feeling devastated by the losses – not that she would say anything about feelings. It is not her style.

NB’s dad died on her fifth birthday. He was in a plane accident. Hard enough to lose your dad at that age and on your birthday made it even more difficult. NB’s mom raised NB and her younger brother as a single mom. NB is fiercely independent and dare I say a bit head strong. Like her mom, she loves Joe and often gave him straw from the goat bedding for his garden. I knew when Joe was going out to the farm it was going to be a couple of hours of visiting. NB’s husband, until his retirement about 10 years ago, was a real cowboy on a working ranch in Yolo County.

I know this is a lot of background. Back to the beginning. It was a tough phone call to make to her today as we have not talked in about 6 years. She still had kept up with Joe until COVID-19 struck. The reason this call was tough is because I did something crappy six years ago. I stood NB up for a lunch date. She did not call me while at the restaurant and ask me where in the heck I was. Nope. She would not have even thought to do that. This was back when I thought I could remember everything and so I didn’t write down the luncheon.  Instead she called me a day or so after and told me how she sat at Applebee’s for 2 hours before realizing I was a no-show. I worked across the street from Applebee’s at the time. I could have walked and been there in 5 minutes. 

When she did call me a day or so later and told me she was upset. I did apologize. It was not enough though. I asked to reschedule, she refused. She would still call me once in a while to ask Joe to pick up the straw. When I tried to engage her in further conversation, she would have to go take care of something on the farm. I felt I had wronged her and she would never forgive me. It became easier for me to stop trying to call her and when she gave up raising goats, she stopped calling us all together.

Okay, I know! It was a tough call to make today. She answered her mobile phone and I identified myself,

Me: “Hi, N, this is Beth Coehlo.”

Her: “Beth, who?”

Me: “Beth Coehlo”

Her: “Do I know you?”

            For a moment I was worried she had dementia.

Me: “Joe Coehlo’s wife, Beth.”

Her: “Oh. Joe’s Beth! It is so good to hear from you.”

I told her about our upcoming move to Minnesota. She had not known that Megan moved there two years ago. She was excited for us and said, “Joe will love having his garden there! Probably a good time to get out of California.”

We ended up having a nice chat for about 8-10 minutes. About the maximum time NB will stay on the phone. She asked me to write to her once in a while and to send pictures of the grandbabies so she can see them. She does not, “do the computer thing.”

And I will write to her. She left my baby girl a quarter 5 days a week for years. It made them both happy. I feel relieved that I made the phone call. I would hate for one day to wake up and discover it was too late to have made the connection with her one more time.